Now, this wasn’t really about changing her personality. She was already in there – that daring, outgoing young woman she wanted to be. This was more about letting her out. Helping her crack through that shell the shy, awkward teenager had created to avoid standing out. It was about lowering her inhibitions. Getting rid of those little monsters on her back who would tell her not to do that thing she wanted to do. Make her feel less awkward in social situations.
“Do what you really want.” was the typical message. That’s the kind of thing we worked on in our sessions. “Take the initiative. See your goal and go right towards it. You are a strong and confident woman – just like your mother. Nothing can stop you.”
It sounds like a bad motivational speech, but it was just the sort of thing that I felt might work for her. Alisha’s social life wasn’t suffering because she was ugly or mean, but because she lacked confidence, and I felt that was a shame. Such a fine young woman really shouldn’t feel like she can’t go on dates.
Okay, so it felt a bit weird at first. A dad isn’t supposed to make his daughter more likely to date boys and wear clothes that make her more desirable to people around her, is he… But after the first couple of sessions, it really started to feel like I was working on one of my ordinary patients. This was just the kind of thing I was helping them with every day.
And she is a fine young woman, I thought to myself. When she lay there on my couch and I had her under my spell, I tried to stay objective and judge her like I would any other female patient. What I saw was a beautiful eighteen year old girl, who was supposed to date people and hang out at the mall with friends. Soon, she’d be going off to college. Socializing, dating… and yeah, having sex. While it was a bit difficult to think about my daughter as a sexual being, more than anything, I wanted her to be happy.
I left the living room and followed my daughter upstairs. We had spent almost an hour today – a bit long. I thought it was going pretty well, though. Alisha was beginning to show some signs of improvement, going out to see her friends more often without having to be encouraged. I was eager to see what the effects would be after several weeks of hypnotherapy.
I stood in front of the mirror and brushed my teeth before bed. I was already thinking about what kind of things I could encourage Alisha to do in the coming weeks. Maybe ask out a boy she liked? Nah, too early. Maybe just a few smaller steps, like… Hmm… like what?
“Do the thing you want to do.” I repeated to myself, as if rehearsing how to say it next time.
It should be calm, but encouraging. I tried a few more sentences, in my best radio voice:
“You are in charge. You can do what you want. Don’t let your inhibitions stop you.”
No, actually, I shouldn’t say it like that, should I… Positive reinforcement is stronger than negative. Mentioning the problem could remind her of it. Telling her that she has inhibitions could make her feel like she wants to hide again, behind that safe, comforting shield she’d created for herself.