“It’s just the way the universe works,” Dad shrugged.
“Well I totally disagree. I’d rather watch a guy blow or fuck another guy than see two girls eating twat,” Mom added, playing around and enjoying turning it on her husband.
“Gross, gross, gross,” Dad said, actually shaking his head.
Mom continued, “What? You wouldn’t let Dave suck your cock? I hear guys are far better cock suckers than we gals.”
I was shocked (in a good way, in an awe-struck way) by Mom’s blatant sex talk. Hearing her say cock sucker was so fucking hot! Dave, by the way, was an openly gay man who lived down the street from us.
“Fuck, no!” Dad declared firmly.
Mom continued, “Why? A mouth is a mouth, and Dave’s mouth would know what to do with your little man far better than mine does. I don’t even have a cock, so how am I supposed to know what to do with yours?” She was really laying it on thick, knowing full well about Dad’s homophobic buttons and joyfully hammering every one of them. Both Mom and I were working extremely hard to contain our laughter.
“I’m not a faggot!” Dad yelled, getting riled up.
Mom usually backed down as soon as Dad got like this, but this time she didn’t. She said, “I didn’t say you were. Sucking dick makes you a faggot, or taking it up the ass, but getting blown by a guy doesn’t. It’s not contrary to nature, it’s hot!”
“Let’s drop this,” Dad said annoyed.
Mom shrugged, “I was just pointing out your hypocritical point of view.”
He said, “I’m a guy, it’s how we all think, isn’t it Wade?”
Here I had to pick a side, but the reality was I had gay friends and I didn’t see it as a big deal. If a guy wants to suck dick or take it in the ass that’s his prerogative… it’s not for me to judge. That said, it wasn’t something I was into doing. Dad was looking in the mirror at me as I said, “Honestly, Dad? Gay, bi, lez or straight, it’s all the same to me. People are people.”
“Exactly,” Mom agreed.
Dad sighed heavily.
Mom said, looking back at me, “So no girlfriend.”
“Nope.”
“Just a chick you fuck sometimes,” Dad added, still in full testosterone mode.
“Yeah, something like that,” I agreed.
And then there was silence.
We got to our hotel room and I went to the bathroom to change into a suit as Dad joked, “You can change right here, you don’t have anything your mother hasn’t already seen.”
“Stop being an ass, Eric,” Mom said, clearly annoyed at her husband.
Mom had used her this is done tone, so Dad didn’t say anything else as I went and changed.
When I came out Mom complimented, “You look very handsome, Wade.”
As I looked at Mom’s big tits showcased in the black dress and then down to her black nylons and her perfectly manicured red toenails in her hosiery, I replied, not trying to hide my sincerity, “You look beautiful Mom.”
“Hear that, Eric? Your son was the first one to give me a compliment today.”
Eric sighed, “This is one of those I can’t win days, isn’t it?”
“It’s beginning to look that way,” my Mom nodded, clearly annoyed at Dad… something that would be remembered as a theme of today and tonight.