“Wow, that was amazing,” I said and my brother nodded.
“I can see why those people did it,” he said. We were having trouble making eye contact for some reason. For a long minute we seemed to be too awkward to speak. Finally, I couldn’t take it any longer.
“Well, I guess we are done cleaning,” I said and opened up the passenger side door.
“Yeah,” my brother said sheepishly, opening his own. And then an urge struck me. I’d can’t explain it, but I quickly leaned over and kissed my brother once on the cheek. He smiled at me and I blushed deeply and smiled back. Then we both ran to the house, flush with strange new emotions and blind sexual energy.
The rest of that week my brother and I would kiss occasionally when we were alone. We knew because we’d never seen my parents kiss that it was not something that was supposed to be done. It was sinful and it was wrong. But it was also fun. It made me feel so lovely. But I should stress that we didn’t really understand what we were doing. Part of me longed for Joseph to take me in his arms and hold me tight while he kissed me. But I didn’t even know those were actions a person could take. Our kisses were chaste, both of us in the barn, sitting next to one another, and lovingly putting our lips together. Except for the fact that each kiss lasted about two minutes, they weren’t even particularly inappropriate for a brother or a sister. Of course, we didn’t know that.
Every time I kissed Joseph I was faced with four distinct kinds of feelings. First was pure elation. It was such a magical thing, the connection I felt when I kissed my brother. I’d never known you could convey love with your body, to pass your emotions to another threw your lips and skin was a revelation. I didn’t know how I knew that part of what I felt was love, but there must’ve been some connection between a kiss and the heart, because I felt it nonetheless. Second, I felt closer to my brother each time. As I said, we were always close to one another, but something felt different now. When I looked at him I ached inside and I found myself blushing around him. I noticed that I liked the way his face looked in a way I hadn’t before. I noticed his strength and his humor in a more appreciative way than before. I didn’t know why it was happening, but those feelings made our kisses more magical. Third was an intense and unaccountable frustration in my body. I knew there was something my body was telling me I needed to do. When I kissed my brother my heart beat so fast, my cheeks flushed, my nipples hardened, and my private area became dripping wet. I knew that my body was begging me to do something, but I didn’t know what it was. Finally, I felt fear. Each time I kissed Joseph we were one step closer to being caught. I didn’t know what punishment would be in store for us, but I knew that it would be bad. Of course, this fear was never enough to stop. In fact, all four of these new feelings, all at once, complemented one another. It made my life more exciting and more fun that it had ever been before, more than I’d ever imagined it could be.
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