“Oh they liked it, they smiled and everything,” Joseph said. There was no doubt. I was very curious about this practice. Why would they do something so unnecessary? What did it do for them? Suddenly, I had an idea.
“Do you want to try it?” I asked.
“What?!” Joseph said, taken aback. I giggled.
“Come on, aren’t you curious?” I asked and he seemed to consider that. He leaned against the steering wheel and rubbed his chin.
“But if seeing it is a sin, then doing it must certainly be a sin,” he countered. It was a good point. I was as afraid of sin as the next person in my community. But, at the same time, I knew the Bible talked often of God’s mercy and his forgiveness. Perhaps a little sin, if you regretted it later, was okay. I wanted to know what it felt to press my lips to another person’s. It sounded exotic and fun.
Thinking about this, for some reason, was having an effect on me. I couldn’t explain it but my heart was beating hard and my palms felt sweaty. Something was happening to my body I couldn’t control. I felt so many strange emotions. They were scary, but they felt good. I looked at Joseph, he was clearly feeling something similar. There was a bead of sweat on his forehead and he looked flushed.
“Just once maybe,” he said cautiously. We didn’t really know what we were doing. I got up on my knees on the seat in the truck. It was a bench seat so I just sort of leaned over. Joseph was sitting in the driver’s seat and he turned his head so he was looking at me. He looked a little nervous.
“It is okay,” I said, “everything will be fine.” He might be worldlier now, but I was still the older sister. He let out a sigh and nodded his head. I kept inching my lips forward, closer to his. I looked at his lips and wondered if he were thinking of mine, pink and thick. I wanted my lips to touch his, to feel his skin against mine…
“Close your eyes,” he said suddenly, and I stopped. My mouth was just inches from Joseph’s now.
“Huh?”
“The people I saw, they closed their eyes,” he explained. That didn’t make a lot of sense to me, how would you know where to put your lips? Maybe it was just practice. I shrugged my shoulders and closed my eyes. I tilted my head to the side and pushed my lips forwards, against my brother’s.
I felt the soft press of his lips against mine. It was just slightly damp skin against slightly damp skin. But it was so much more. I felt every nerve on my body light up. I could smell more, taste more, and feel more. My entire body trembled. My heart pounded in my chest and my head felt light. For some reason, my nipples hardened, scratching against the hard fabric of my dress. And, most unnerving of all, my private area felt strange. But I didn’t worry about any of that, I melted into the kiss, just letting my lips move softly and gently against my brother’s. I’d never felt so transcendent. I moaned a little as we kissed, I didn’t even know why.
Then, after a long while, we broke our kiss. I sat back in the truck, against the door, and opened my eyes. Joseph was looking at me. He had a silly smile on his face as well and we both laughed a little nervously. We didn’t know what any of the feelings we had meant, but we knew they were different. And we were sure, because of how lovely the effect of those emotions were, that they must be sinful. But it was hard to feel nervous.
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