Mom scoffed, “Fixing things? My husband can’t even fix a leaking toilet.”
Dana said, “I even read somewhere that in the next ten years there’ll be sex robots you can buy. If you suck one off you’ll be able to choose chocolate, strawberry or piña colada.”
Mom surprised me when she said, “I’d rather just have some young stud I could call up when I needed some.”
“A boy toy with benefits?” Carol quipped.
“A BDBB, a big dicked boy with benefits,” Mom said.
I couldn’t believe they were talking about this so casually and openly. Did women always talk like this… like men?
“And one who can reload quickly,” Dana added, “unlike my hubby who’s good for a four-minute marathon then nap time.”
Mom added, as she looked at me to see how I was taking all this, “Wow, that is a marathon compared to Eric.”
It was weird. I couldn’t explain it, but it was like she wanted me to know Dad was a quick shooter and not sexually satisfying her. I knew I shouldn’t say it, especially in a room full of female relatives, but I couldn’t help It, I had to stand up for men and to stress my own capabilities just in case Mom was hinting at something (as far-fetched as that was). “For the record, many men can last as long as it takes to make his woman happy and even reload in seconds.”
Emily gasped, “Wade!”
“What?” I questioned, “I need to make it clear that many men, I hope, can do a real marathon. Or two.”
“I remember those days,” Mom sighed dramatically.
“I don’t,” Dana joked.
“So what we all need is a young man like Wade who can go the distance,” Carol concluded.
“Gross, that’s incest,” Emily said, disgusted.
“Incest is best,” Carol joked.
“Keep it in the family,” Tiffany added.
The entire time these jokes were being made about incest, Mom was looking at me. It wasn’t like she was devouring me with her eyes, but there was just something different I couldn’t explain. Speculation, maybe.
“Double gross,” Emily grimaced.
“Emily, you wound me,” I declared playfully.
Emily shook her head, “I don’t mean you, my dear hunk of a cousin, I mean the idea of incest.”
Carol asked, “So if your cousin wasn’t related to you you’d fuck him?”
Hearing Carol say fuck was hot; having her say it about me and my cousin was surreally hot.
“Mother!” Emily gasped again, jumping to her feet and stalking away.
Carol shrugged, “I was just trying to clarify.”
“You’re so bad,” Dana laughed.
“It’s just so much fun rattling her,” Carol said, watching her daughter leave.
“Just for the record,” I decided to add, wanting to hint somehow that I’d fuck any one of my aunts if the opportunity arose, “If you ladies weren’t all married and related to me I’d be flirting with you like crazy.” I was really addressing my aunts (and my Mom, if by some remote chance she was interested). My cousins had pretty much slipped off my radar; Emily seemed adamantly opposed to fun and the shy Becky hadn’t said a word so far and probably wouldn’t.
“Good to know,” Dana joked. “It’s good still to be considered desirable.”
I shook my head. “Ladies, each one of you is super-hot, like MILF hot, and if your husband doesn’t see that in you I’m utterly baffled.”