“I hope so,” I said.
“All by itself, the fact that you hate golf makes you a keeper,” Aunt Carol said. “I mean seriously, I know it’s California, but it’s the week before Christmas… couldn’t they acknowledge that golf is out of season?”
Aunt Dana, the second oldest sister argued, “Actually I’m happy Gary likes golf; it means I get more time alone.”
“True enough,” Aunt Carol nodded.
“I usually golf with my man,” the much younger Aunt Tiffany added, she only five years older than me.
“Except when it’s just the boys,” Mom pointed out.
“They need their male bonding time,” Tiffany explained.
And as Mom downed her second drink already, “We need our female bonding time too.”
Realizing I was the odd man out, literally, I offered, “It’s okay, I can go and let you ladies have your girl time.”
“No, no,” Carol stopped me. “We’re just venting.”
“Well vent away, then,” I joked, enjoying being surrounded by so many beautiful women.
After a couple more minutes Carol, who was definitely the ringleader of the group, asked, “So Wade, you must have a girlfriend.”
Mom answered for me, “He has a friend with benefits thing.”
“Mom!” I said, “That’s not something my aunts and cousins needed to know.”
“What’s a friend with benefits?” Carol asked.
Tiffany answered, her swearing typical of her but hot, “A fuck buddy.”
“A what?” Carol questioned.
Mom explained, “A friend you call up when you need to get laid.”
“I want to go back to college,” Dana joked.
“I want my own friend with benefits,” Mom added.
“Mom!” I gasped again.
“What? Your dad doesn’t pay any attention to me anymore,” she revealed.
“He’s probably banging his slutty secretary,” Tiffany provocatively stated, loving saying outrageous things, always crude which I found hot… if she weren’t my aunt I’d be going after her tonight at the dance when she got tipsy and vulnerable.
Mom scoffed, “That would explain the long hours he’s been working recently.”
Carol added, “I have a friend with benefits. Actually I have a couple.”
“Do tell,” Tiffany asked, as they suddenly seemed to forget I was there.
Emily, Carol’s oldest daughter, pleaded, “Please don’t even go there, Mom.”
Carol shrugged, “Why not? My seven inch rabbit and ten inch black dildo are always there for me.”
My already hard dick flinched in my trousers.
“Mother!” the prim and proper Emily gasped, clearly mortified by her mother’s revelation.
“Ten inches?” Tiffany mused, impressed. “I may have to get one of those.”
“Highly recommended,” Carol smiled, before adding, “I apparently need to get my daughter one too.”
“Christmas is only a week away,” Mom pointed out.
“Oh My God!” Emily gasped, exasperated.
“That’s exactly what you’ll be screaming about ten minutes after you open my gift,” Carol added, enjoying embarrassing her early twenties prudish daughter, before adding, “and if you add the rabbit on your clit at the same time you’ll be a changed woman.”
“Please stop!” Emily begged, covering her ears with her hands.
Tiffany added, “Other than reproduction, making money and fixing things, men have no real purpose, given the recent technological improvements in sex toys.”