Stephen told himself he needed a girl, that was all. He realized it had been weeks since he’d had sex. “I’m just feeling horny,” he rationalized.
Stephen didn’t have to go very long without sex. As a tall, good-looking, outgoing college athlete he had his pick of girls anytime he went out. He enjoyed being seen with a gorgeous girl, but they tended to leave him cold. They always seemed to act like he should be grateful to be seen with them.
What he really wanted was a girl who would treat him like he was special. Like his mom always did. God! There he was again, thinking of his mom as a girlfriend! He didn’t seem able to keep from it.
He noticed that she had left the room and he wanted her back. He heard her coming back towards the kitchen. “Mom,” he blurted out, “will you get me a Coke?”
Gail looked at her son and started to laugh–he was standing right beside the fridge! But something about the look on his face stopped the laughter. She inhaled sharply, turned to the fridge, opened it, and removed a Coke. She felt Stephen’s eyes on her every step of the way. He was making her feel self-conscious. He seemed to watch her very closely a lot these days. At first, it made her wonder if she had a smudge on her face, or something.
But gradually, the thought that he was looking at her appreciatively formed in her mind. Once formed, it held on, reappearing with regularity. It sometimes seemed too outlandish to credit—but at other times, it seemed quite obvious. She usually tried not to think about the idea that her own son found her attractive. However, when she did allow herself to think about it, well, she found the idea quite flattering.
And when he looked at her like he was at that moment, intensely, almost hungrily, it made her feel desirable. She felt herself blush from shame. Then anger at Frank manifested. “If he would only look at me like that I wouldn’t be having these awful thoughts!”
She turned towards Stephen. His body was just on the other side of the Coke can she was holding between them. So near, and yet not near enough. Gail was again shamed by her inappropriate thought and turned her face away from Stephen. “This is my son! Stop it, Gail!”
Stephen took the Coke can and set it on the counter. He put his hands on his mother’s back to hug her close. He moved one hand up to her hair, feeling the silk of it. He leaned down and inhaled its sweet fragrance. “Mom,” he whispered as a prayer in her ear.
His thoughts returned to the idea of finding someone like his mom. “No, not like Mom, but Mom herself!” He groaned his lust and self-loathing.
Suddenly, Frank yelled from the other room, “Not another one! C’mon, Ref! Jeez!” His voice trailed off, but it had broken the spell hanging over Stephen and his mother. They stepped apart and went their separate ways for the night, each immersed in feelings of shame and desire.
Gail and Stephen both busied themselves with school and work and friends over the next few days.
Stephen and his friend Jack studied at Stephen’s house because of the cookies. Gail delighted in supporting the boys and their studies. She always made them peanut butter chocolate chip cookies and made sure she had milk and coffee for them. She would put on an old-fashioned apron and bring the snacks to them, fresh from the oven. It was a way for her to show her love, and she was sure that Stephen understood it as an act of love.
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