“Is he forcing you?” she asked, the words so quiet I almost missed them.
My gaze came up fast, my head shaking. She studied my eyes. “You can tell me, baby. I’ll protect you, I promise.”
“He’s not, Mamma, honest.”
For several long moments she stared, her eyes boring into mine, studying me. “How long has he been touching you?”
I shook my head, my gaze dropping.
“Tell me, baby. You’re safe with me.”
He tone was very gentle and easy, calming. I shook my head again. “He hasn’t touched me at all.”
She reached up then, pushing a lock of my hair behind my ear. “Not even last night?”
Again I shook my head, forcing myself to meet her gaze, wanting her to believe me.
“What made you take your underwear off?”
I couldn’t help the shy smile, my gaze dropping.
A smile pulled at her lips then. She shook her head. She took and released a long breath. “Was it your idea?”
I nodded once, wishing I could hide my face.
She brought her finger up under my chin again, forcing eye contact. “If you’re going to start playing adult games, young lady, you need to act like one.” She let go of my chin and I held her gaze. “Why did you take your underwear off?”
It was everything I had not to look away.
Intuition told me that I was safe with her, just as I always had been. I took a calming breath and released it. “I want him.”
And then I held my breath, waiting, willing myself to hold her gaze, somehow knowing that if I flinched now, I’d go back to being her little girl, the girl she needed to protect, from my father and from myself.
“So, what, you were hoping to seduce him?”
The words stung, and still I held her gaze, nodding once.
“He’s my husband, baby.”
Now my gaze fell. I took a deep breath and pulled it back up. “I don’t want to hurt you,” I whispered. “I love you.”
Her brows drew, her head shaking just a bit. “Then why him?”
I gave her a pleading look. “I love him, Mamma.”
“He’s your father.”
“He’s safe.”
She shook her head slowly. “He’s safe,” she whispered, almost to herself. She pulled me to her then, my face going into her neck, hers into mine. “And what were you going to do if you succeeded in getting him interested in you?” she asked, her breath warm.
“What do you mean?”
She pulled me away from her, meeting my gaze. “Birth control, honey. You’re much too young to get pregnant.”
I shrugged. “It’s the wrong time in my cycle.”
She shook her head, amused. “You have this all figured out, don’t you?”
I nodded. “Except the part where I don’t want to hurt you,” I said, my tone sober.
“But you were willing to do it anyway?”
I took her hand, bringing it to my lips, nodding. “I need him, Mamma. I can’t stop thinking about him.”
For several long moments I stood there, holding her gaze, holding her fingers to my lips, waiting, refusing to look away.
And then she exhaled, her head shaking, her gaze dropping. “You can’t go out there like that,” she whispered.
I felt my stomach flutter.
“And trust me, sweetheart, you want your first time to be in a bed.”
I reached for her then, wrapping my arms around her neck, squeezing her as tight as I could. “Thank you, Mamma.”