“Joseph, what do you look like with your clothes off?” I asked simply. In all my life that question had never occurred to me before I saw the magazine. Now I needed to know. Joseph sputtered and blushed. I smiled at him, his reaction was cute.
“Anna, even talking about that sort of thing is a sin! God has already heard it!” he said, and I almost thought he would drop on his knees then and pray for me. I shook my head.
“No, I don’t think that it is a sin. Maybe looking at the magazine, or you looking at women at the market is sinful,” I said, really emphasizing that last part, “But you have heard Father explain the limitations on contact between men and women. And what he says is based on what he learns at church. A woman is not supposed to see or be seen by any men, except her father, her husband, her son, or her brother. You are my brother, so it isn’t a sin to wonder what you look like. All of you,” I explained.
“No but any talk of nakedness is a sin,” Joseph said resisting. But I saw the way his eyes were hovering over my body, he was just as curious as I was. He just needed time to soak in what I was suggesting.
“Joseph, I know that it is a sin. But Jesus said that to sin in your heart is as evil as sinning with actions. I have already thought about it. I have already committed a sin. And I feel sorry. But I am also curious. I know that knowledge is evil and perhaps it is because I am a woman that it is natural for me to want more. But Joseph you brought me The Apple, so are you not the Eve in our house? You brought knowledge; I am just trying to make sense of it. Maybe, we can just look at one another, in our nakedness, and then we won’t be curious anymore. Then we can sincerely apologize to God for our sin and, because we have already satisfied our need, we will no longer have the sinful curiosity. I fear that if I do not commit this one great transgression, then every day from now on I will commit a smaller sin in my heart. And I think, in the long run, that is worse,” I meant every word that I said. I knew that Joseph could hear the honesty in my voice and he considered my appeal.
“Anna, I am curious too,” he said finally, “I see these women on market days and I think about their bodies. I can’t help it.” He said and I simmered in jealousy, “But more than that, I compare their bodies to yours. Or, what I wonder about you. I see their legs and wonder what your legs look like. I see their arms and wonder what your arms look like. I see… I see other parts of them and wonder. I wonder about you. But I don’t know that it is safe to do this. Father might see us, or Mother. And God will see us.” He explained.
I was somehow touched by what my brother had said. Both in that he compared other women to me and also in that he was trying to protect me from retribution. Divine or otherwise. I got up and walked over to the door and quietly closed it. I walked back over to my brother.
“I cannot control what you will do,” I said slowly, watching his eyes to see what he’d think, “But I will show you my body first. There is no sin in that for you, I have closed you in. Then, whatever you decide, I will accept.” I explained. Both of us knew that Joseph could easily stand up and walk out, that if he chose to sit and watch me disrobe that he was as guilty as I was of a sin, but I think it was just enough of a cushion to allow Joseph to nod his head slightly.
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