“No.”
“Jesus, Allie, if you like to touch your nips, you would absolutely love to have them licked.”
“Yeah, I think I would like that a lot.”
I sat quietly for a beat, thinking about what to say. I was powerfully aroused and I suspected she was too. I said, “I love licking nipples, sucking, letting my lips and tongue run wild.”
We lay on our backs on the bed in the sudden quiet. I rolled on my side to face her and said, “No matter what happens, I love you, Allie.”
“I love you too, Jase, no matter what,” she said without hesitating.
I leaned in and kissed her on the cheek again, just a peck, nothing more. I whispered, “You didn’t deserve this. You deserve so much more in your life.”
She rolled onto her side, and we lay face to face on the bed, noses practically touching. She whispered back, “What do I deserve?”
Her eyes bored into mine with a genuine inquisitiveness atop her sadness. Even without any contact between us, her eyes entranced me. “You deserve a chance to accomplish whatever you want in life. You deserve someone who loves you as much as I do. More than I do, I mean.”
She leaned toward me, and I did the same, and before I knew what was happening our lips met. Her lips felt so soft and warm and alive. I reached up to stroke her cheek with the back of my hand, her skin smooth and perfect against my fingers. But my attention was focused on the kiss. I loved her so much that the kiss seemed like the most normal thing in the world at that moment, even though our world was in chaos. My lips parted and I gently pulled her upper lip between my own. I felt and tasted the tip of her tongue before she pulled away.
She turned her head to face the ceiling, deliberately looking away, and sighed. Everything was so screwed up, but when she pulled her lips away, I wanted more. I wanted to keep stroking her cheek, run my fingers through her hair, keep tasting her. She’s my sister, and I shouldn’t have wanted these things, but I did. I couldn’t help it. Still, I kept my hands to myself.
I watched her on the bed in profile. Her eyes darted as if searching for a focal point. The thought that I might be responsible for snuffing out such a perfect person was almost unbearable, except that I had her to help me through it.
She sighed again and said, “You know, today might be the last time in our lives that we could…”
Her words stopped, but she didn’t look finished, and I didn’t say anything. I was aching to know: Could what?
After a pause she continued, “Could, um, see what it feels like to, you know. See if it’s better than with Max.”
She’d been looking at the ceiling while she spoke, but then she turned to face me and looked right in my eyes. The gravity of her suggestion hit me at the same time as her eyes bored into me. It was a rare moment in life when I suddenly realized that something she wanted was the same thing as something I wanted. I was so shocked that my breath caught in my chest and I stuttered out some air.
The corners of her lips rose ever so slightly as she watched my reaction, and I considered myself invited. I leaned forward and kissed her again, more intensely than before, our tongues intertwining for the first time. Her hand found its way to the back of my neck and pulled me toward her, pressing our lips together even tighter.