“How is the female harmed biologically when a male copulates with another female?” Greg asked.
“He’s broken his promise of fidelity,” answered Dorotea.
“That promise to remain faithful is part of the marriage contract. The marriage contract is a social structure with theological underpinnings– not a biological one,” answered Greg. “Can we set aside theology for the purposes of this discussion?”
Greg laughed internally as he made this move. No one wanted to touch the third rail of religion.
“Cheating is such a loaded term. Can we instead say, ‘Break the terms of the pair bond?'” asked Greg.
He received mostly nods, Gerhart had a look of dawning realization on his face. He was just a little quicker than the rest.
“Ok,” Greg said. “Hypothetical: It’s World War II, Andy is from the Kansas. He left his wife Betty and their kids at home and went off to war. He became a navigator in the air corps and was sent to England.
“He was a crew member on a bomber. One day, Andy was awarded some R&R and went to London. In London, he met a beautiful young English gal named Colleen. They formed an instant connection. He invited her to dinner, they got drunk, and their evening culminated in a sexual liaison. The next day, Andy went back to his unit and never saw Colleen again. After the war, Andy returned home to his wife and they raised their young family together.
“Here’s the question: biologically, did Andy break the terms of his pair bond?”
“Of course!” answered Dorotea.
Gerhart, however, got it. “No, he did not!”
Greg was extraordinarily relieved that it wasn’t him dropping this bomb.
The table all turned to Gerhart, who smiled. “Biologically, what a woman gets from the pair bond is support for raising a child. The worse case scenario for Betty would be that Andy would remove his support for Betty and give it instead to Colleen. Andy clearly hasn’t done that. Biologically, therefore, Andy has lived up to the terms of his pair bond.”
The women at the table actually sputtered for a minute trying to come up with a counter.
“But he broke his promise,” said Dorotea.
“That’s theology, which is out of bounds,” reminded Churan gently.
Greg decided to take a chance. “If you think that this view is bullshit: consider how married men conceptualize fidelity. The same man who shamelessly flirts with a woman at his office and tries to bed her, goes apeshit when his wife dances and flirts with a man at a wedding reception. Why does that happen? Is this man a hypocrite? Is he insane?”
Greg left room for people to respond. No one did.
With a smile, Greg concluded, “Or is he encoded with millions of years of evolutionary wisdom that says what is cheating for a man is different than what is cheating for a woman?”
The group stewed on this. Greg knew he was being a bit disingenuous with that argument, but no one called him on it.
Greg advanced to the next step. “Now consider an alternate scenario: Our man Andy went to London on R&R and met Colleen. They fall fell love, but being religious, Andy and Colleen refuse to copulate. However, for the next nine months, Andy gave his pay check to Colleen instead of sending it home to Betty. Betty was back at home struggling to feed her children and keep clothes on their backs. By a religious moral definition, Andy was completely faithful, but biologically, was he?”