“Lynn, when I walked across that stage that last night and heard booing, I knew that everyone saw what really happened. I was devastated.”
She sighed and added, “You know what Lynn? You know how you think of something random at the strangest moments?”
Lynn said nothing.
“Well…as Jake…” she cringed at saying his name, “…put his arms around my shoulders to comfort as they were going to break, I thought about the morning I left the house and didn’t even kiss your father goodbye.”
Lynn shook her head and shot back, “Would have been nice if you realized that at the time. Kinda’ late now don’t cha’ think?”
Sherry could only nod. She had no answer.
Lynn broke the brief silence with, “I have another question mother. You told me when you landed and no one was at the airport greet you, you got angry. Same goes at the house. I mean really, what the hell did you expect?”
Looking her daughter in the eye she answered, “I was afraid. Afraid of my family leaving me and afraid that I would be on my own the rest of my life. Dr. Royce believed I was angry with myself and looking to blame others.”
“Mother? There is another question I just have to ask.”
Sherry nodded for her daughter to continue.
“How in the hell did you not know America was watching when the show was called ‘America’s Watching’? I mean…how it that even possible?”
Sherry shook her head and said, “Because I believed everything I was told. I was stupid Lynn. Plain and simple…I was stupid.”
She paused and took a deep breath and continued, “What Jake said made sense at the time. Of course I was so caught up in my God damn fantasy that I didn’t realize it. When he said that they would never show anything that we were doing it sounded believable. Even when it came to the cable show he said they wouldn’t show a married woman having an affair on national TV. I’d never seen it before so it was believable. It wasn’t until afterwards I realized the only reason they never showed anyone doing those things was because I was the first to do anything that fucking stupid.”
She closed her eyes and a pained expression came over her.
“When I watched those tapes with Dr. Royce I realized just how wrong I was. I understood then how out of touch I was. She told me that I was a born narcissist. Basically I’m the type of person that puts my needs ahead of all others and only looks out for my own self-gratification.”
“The doctor figured that out, did she?”
Sherry smiled for a moment, “But it was all on me Lynn, make no mistake that this entire mess was of my own making. Please don’t think that anything I said here is an excuse. It’s not. I knew better than to do what I did, but I was selfish and greedy thinking could have it all.”
Lynn had something that needed to be said. Something she’d been wanting to say for so long.
“You hurt dad so much, mother. The first few years were absolutely horrible. He was depressed almost all of the time and would never even leave his apartment. I was in school and he told me he’d disown me if I went down to Florida to help him. He had no one, mother. You had a choice in doing what you did, but he didn’t. Worse yet he had to watch every second of you being seduced by not one, but two assholes. Not to mention what dad called “pillow talk”. You remember, admitting to other affairs while the entire fucking country found out with him.”