She came over to me and took my hand in both of hers. “Paul, I’d really like for you to hold me tonight…please?” She looked up at me, and I nodded. She took my hand and, without a word, led me to her bedroom. I was confused and nervous – after all, I wanted her, but didn’t want her to know that I wanted her. And she was being, to my mind, pretty ambiguous – I didn’t know what she wanted of me, but assumed that she just wanted closeness and comfort. I resolved, then, to keep my hardening cock as far away from her as possible – I wasn’t about to embarrass myself any more than I already had. She got into bed and patted the sheet right next to her. I climbed in and lay down next to her, fully clothed.
“Paul…” she began, “aren’t you going to…” “No, I’m cool…I’m alright,” I interrupted, gathering the rumpled top sheet to hide the growing bulge in my cutoffs. “I didn’t…uh…didn’t bring my ‘jammies’, so…but…ummm…I’m cool.” I was beginning to wonder if I could ever talk without sounding like a complete idiot. “Now you’re being silly,” she said, raising herself up on her elbow. “The air conditioner isn’t working and you’re going to get hot. Why don’t you at least take your shorts off?”
It was just too much. I couldn’t take it anymore. I was pissed off at myself for being a stammering moron. Why not just get it out and get it over with? Come on, asshole, do it!
“Okay…because…because…” I swallowed hard and took a couple of deep breaths, closing my eyes. “Because you’re really beautiful and I’ve really liked you for a long time and you get me…excited and I’ve wanted to make love with you for a long time and I’m embarrassed because you’d see me or feel it against in your sleep or something and you’ve been through a lot today [breath] and I’m ashamed that I’m thinking of you that way because you were almost raped and I feel like an asshole and I feel like I’m no better than that fuckhead that almost raped you and I’m ashamed of myself. So, there you go. I’m going to be quiet now, and lay here for a while by myself. After you’re asleep, I’ll hold you like you want, Annie, I swear to God I will. But right now, I have to just lay here by myself for awhile, okay?” I put my hands over my burning face, taking in a few gulps of air. I didn’t just feel like an asshole. I was a walking, talking asshole with teeth.
I felt movement next to me, and one of her hands softly touched one of mine. She pulled my hand away, and I felt a soft, tender kiss on my cheek. I turned my head toward her, my eyes tightly closed, and I felt her lips brush mine. Softly, tenderly, her lips parted and grasped mine. I returned the kiss hesitantly, our lips softly grasping at each other. She pulled away slightly and I opened my eyes.
“Paul,” she said, looking into my eyes, “you are one of the sweetest men I’ve ever known. You’re not like him, honey…not at all.” She softly kissed my forehead before going on. “You know…it started going bad right from the beginning, but I stayed with him to try to make it work. And I felt awful a lot of the time, I really did. But when we moved here, I felt better. You know why?” I shook my head. “You, sweetie. You started coming over to do the yard work, and you always knew how to make me laugh…and you always said things that made me feel good about myself. And I’d see you out there working and” She turned down her eyes shyly, then said, “I wanted you, but you were my nephew, and that would have been wrong.” She looked up at me and smiled, with a little look of what…desire? “And now, technically, you’re not my nephew anymore. And yes, I went through a lot today, but I think I’m over it now. And I want you to make love to me – not because I’m grateful for what you did, but I am. And not just because I know now that you want me, but it’s nice to know that you do. Remember what your uncle said to me before? ‘I just wanted to fuck you’? That’s all he ever did. Fuck me. And I want. no, I need for you to make love to me. Make love with me, Paul.”