One Saturday night I was working a shift at the central campus computing lab. A handful of students were well spread out in the lab, making for a rather dull night. That’s the way I liked it as I could get my homework done and get paid for it. My coworker and I sat in the Pit, an ironic name for the raised circular workspace overlooking the lab. The Pit was also a convenient barrier between me and the students. Nico walked up and leaned over the counter at me. “How late you working tonight?” she asked in a hushed tone. The purple streak in her hair was now bright green. I wondered briefly if her pubic hair matched.
“Until 2AM. Sorry.”
She frowned and looked around the mostly empty lab before asking, “How many of them do you think are watching porn right now and mentally frigging themselves?” I shot a look at my coworker but he had headphones on and was engrossed in a movie. I moved away from him and Nico followed along the outer perimeter. “There aren’t that many people here but I bet at least one,” she persisted.
I shook my head. “Doubtful. People tend to do that when they’re alone in their room.”
She pointed at a monitor in front of me. “Can you use that computer to see what they’re doing?”
“Yeah, but it’s our policy not to.”
“Let me back there, I want to take a look.”
“Sorry, employees only. They have a very strict rule about that.”
“Then I’d like an application, please,” she pestered. I sighed and pulled an application from a file and handed it to her along with a pen — I figured it would be easier than arguing with her. She looked it over and asked, “Who does the interview?”
“Tonight I would do the pre-interview but a full-time staffer would do the final.”
Nico smiled wickedly, put the pen to her lips and sucked lightly on it. “I think there is at least one person here watching porn this very moment but you think not. We should bet on it,” she suggested.
“What would we bet?”
“If I win, I want you to seriously consider a proposal. If you win –”
“You have to tell me why you can’t have a boyfriend,” I finished.
She frowned. “Not very imaginative. Alright, if that’s what you want.” We shook hands and she pointed at the computer. “You do whatever typing you need to do while I fill this out.” I took me less than a minute to launch a program and click a few parameters to get the answer. In less than that time Nico had completed the application and was holding it out to me. I checked to see if anyone was watching before I turned the monitor towards her, defeated. “Ha!” she exclaimed. “I knew it!”
Shaking my head, I turned the monitor back and closed the program. Three people were surfing porn sites. I took the application and asked, “So, what’s your proposal?”
“I’d like my pre-interview first, then we can talk.”
“Alright.” I started to read over her application but she protested.
“I believe I have an expectation of privacy during an interview. Is there a room we can use?”
I let my coworker know I was doing a pre-interview. He nodded without ever looking up from his movie. Nico and I went to a small conference room and sat at the table. I started through the prepared list of b. s. questions.