I carried my coffee to the kitchen and put it on the counter. I turned to look out the sliding glass doors to the backyard. Dan had put in so much hard work into it over the years that it had become a beautiful garden now. At that moment, I felt a single tear and then another roll down my cheeks and didn’t know why. I felt nothing inside. I didn’t feel a need to cry but I was, “This is so silly. Why am I crying.” and I moved both hands up to wipe them away. The children would be running around soon, and it would do them no good to see Mommy with tears running down her face. We couldn’t have that happen now could we, no we could not.
I felt a terrible need to talk to with someone, but no one came to mind. The last person would be is my mother. I wouldn’t even know how to begin. Dan remained in the guest room all day. I was too afraid to approach him for fear of him leaving the house. He came out at the usual time he did when arriving home from work. I watched and listened as he interacted with the children, about their day, and what they did. From his outward appearance, he seemed like his regular self. I was silently praying it was so and we could get past this stupid fantasy of mine. We sat around the table and ate like always with lots of conversation and Dan telling silly dad jokes. But I realized later on, Dan was putting on a performance for the benefit of the children.
As we put the children to bed, I knew we were going to watch something I no longer had any interest in. Dan was sitting on the couch waiting for me with the TV on and the disk ready to play. “Dan, let’s not watch this. Please get rid of it. Nothing good is going to come out this. It was a mistake. Please, I’m begging you.”
Dan turned his head to me, “Carrie, remember you told me you wanted me to be there and video your black cock fantasy? That it would make our marriage more exciting. That we could watch it together and afterward have amazing sex. Remember that?”
“Dan, please baby, I am so sorry to ever have suggested acting on that stupid fantasy of mine. I can see how it all was wrong. Very wrong. For us. And it will never happen again. Forgive me. Please…”
Dan, looked at the floor now to consider my plea a moment and then turn to look at me, “Well, we have a video, so let’s make our marriage more exciting. Come on over here and sit down. You haven’t seen it yet. I’ve been working on it all day in the guest room and I’ve cut it down to about 30 minutes and have all the best shots. I’ve seen it three times today. Five, if you count last night after coming home. You really are a hottie.”
Not knowing what else to do, I just stood there. Dan smiled and patted the space next to him. This didn’t feel right at all as I reluctantly sat down. My stomach was in a knot. This was not how it was supposed to be. In my fantasy, this was supposed to be no different than any other evening watching some sex scenes together, then off to bed to make love together.
Dan pressed the remote button forward, and the show began. I watch myself on screen for a bit until I couldn’t take it anymore. Instead, I found my eyes drawn to everything else around the room. Pictures everywhere. All the family pictures on the wall, sitting on end tables, on the shelves.
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