Straight Boy Claims His Masculinity
I woke up that morning feeling like I’d lost… something. I didn’t fully recall what transpired the night before. But I knew I fucked up.
A morning jog on the beach didn’t untie the knot in my gut. Neither did the 100 push-ups in Kaitlin’s bedroom hours before the others rose for their morning coffee.
Now, the whole fucking day had passed… and I was sitting in this shitty dive bar. Sipping my stereotypically masculine drink.
A voice broke the silence: “She’ll respond, man. Probably busy, y’know, saving lives. Or bathing some old dude.” Oh, right. Alex is here, too.
I rolled my eyes and took a sip of Scotch. “I don’t see how you could know she’s gonna respond. Honestly, she probably shouldn’t.”
Two more glasses clinked onto the table. “Two filthy martinis for two filthy boys.” Alex’s friend, Jaime, had also joined us.
I looked up at Jaime. “I don’t get how your family doesn’t know you’re gay, dude,” I blurted in Alex’s direction.
Alex feigned bewilderment. “Wait. I’m… gay?” Jaime giggled, resting his slender, golden-brown forearm on Alex’s shoulder.
I massaged my brow. I couldn’t stop thinking about Naina.
“Breathe,” Jaime chimed in with his own unsolicited comments. “This time next week, you’ll be back home with your girl and everything will be back to normal.”
“With all due respect, you don’t know me.” I cracked into a peanut and gazed off into the distance. “…What is normal?”
“Good question…” Jaime conceded. “You guys are happy together, right?”
“I – yea. She’s great.” I stumbled over my words. “We see eye-to-eye…”
“They both like big dicks.” Alex sipped his martini. That comment would’ve pissed me off if I wasn’t on my fourth Scotch.
I massaged my face stubble. “Yea. Well. I love her. I’m going to be with her for the rest of my life.”
Alex raised his eyebrow. “Sounds hot.”
I finished off my Scotch. “We also have very hot, very straight sex. A lot of it.”
Alex chuckled. “Just like the Lord intended.”
I scoffed and left to pay the tab.
Alex followed. “You’re not gonna drive, right, big guy?”
I stiff-armed him in his tracks. “Just leave me alone, dude.”
“Jaime barely touched his drink. Let us give you a ride back to the beach house.”
***
As the three of us packed into Jaime’s car, Jaime graciously offered me a bottle of water. “Thanks…” I cracked it open. Then, I whipped out my phone and called Naina. For the seventh time today.
Ringg.
As I was silently praying to Jesus that Naina would finally break her silence, Jaime pulled a bag of unidentified white pills from his coat pocket and placed them on the dashboard.
“I guess these can wait… for a special occasion,” he said.
“Is tonight not?” Alex asked, playfully. “It won’t take long to tuck Nicky in at the beach house.”
Ringg.
“What, uh… what even are those?” I motioned at the dashboard.
“Industrial-grade Cialis,” Alex quipped, placing his palm on my shoulder. “You don’t need it.”
I pushed his hand away.
“Shush,” Jaime scolded. “You went to college in the 2010’s, right, Nick?”
“Unlike Old Man River?” I motioned towards Alex. “I did. But I didn’t, uh… party much.”