Just over a year ago, Connie had been feeling run down, so I suggested she see her doctor for a physical. We instantly knew something was wrong when he called back and asked her to come in for more tests. Within just a few days, we learned her diagnosis, and next thing we knew, her treatment regimen was mapped out before us.
I took time off from work and spent almost every hour at Connie’s bedside while she endured the barrage of cancer drugs and treatments. As you might expect, each time we arrived we toted armfuls of flowers for the other patients my wife had befriended. When the test results came in day after day, it was clear by the doctor’s expressions that they were growing increasingly pessimistic. They said things could turn around at any time, a thought I clung to as if my entire body were made of Velcro.
Connie was more realistic and tried to prepare me for the future. She did not give up hope, mind you; she just appeared to have the need to mother me and tell me everything would be okay as she had always done. I had long admired her strength, but never more than during her battle with cancer.
One afternoon, Doctor James sat us down to break the news. In spite of their best efforts, they could not stem the tide and Connie’s cancer had spread. He did not give us a definitive timeframe, but made it pretty clear he was expecting months rather than years. My wife and I just held hands silently as tears rolled down our faces. We could see the anguish on his face as he broke the news, and I actually felt sorry for him in spite of our own plight. Both Connie and I gave him a hug and thanked him for all his efforts, because it was clear he and his staff had done their best.
After Doctor James left the room, Connie turned to me with a surprisingly strong look on her face. She asked, “How should we break the news to Kelsey?”
Hearing her words, I broke down and sobbed uncontrollably. Connie and I had always been each other’s rocks; how could I go on without her? I had always tried to be a strong father for my daughter, too. How could I tell her that I failed to keep her mother safe?
“You need to be strong for Kelsey, honey. Take care of her; she’s going to need you now more than ever,” she said with a forced smile. I nodded my head, but tried my best not to think about the future. “You are also going to need her. Both of you have to find a way to move forward with your lives. I know you and I have shared a special love, but if I can’t be here with you, I need you to promise me you will try to keep your heart open to love. I can’t bear the thought of you alone,” she added, squeezing my hand. It was just like Connie to think about everyone other than herself.
Kelsey was finishing up her final year of college, so we tried to be as positive with her as possible so as to not affect her studies. Just weeks before her graduation, we had to finally break the news that things did not look good. She spent as much time at home as possible thereafter, but was able to take her finals as planned and did as well as could be expected under the circumstances.
wpDiscuz