I walked back to her room, my father was now snoring like a world’s champion, so I thought that he wasn’t going to come up and disturb us anytime soon.
Pushing open the door, with the light from my room behind me I could see that she was facing away. I went around to face her, she could see me, but her face was in the shadows. I knew that she had to be awake, there was too much emotion in what’d happened just moments ago, for her to have gone to sleep so soon.
“Mum.”
“Go away.”
“No, there’s something that you need to know, I never set out to kiss you like that, it just started, and then assumed a life of its own. I know that you may have had a bit to drink, but so have I. You aren’t so drunk though that you didn’t know what we were doing. Be honest with me please, admit that you’re angry at yourself for the way that it developed, and also angry, because you enjoyed my kissing you more than you should have done, isn’t that correct?”
“Go away and leave me alone.”
“I’ll go away and leave you alone, when you admit that there were two of us down there, and we both enjoyed it. Admit that and I’ll go away as you ask, but you did enjoy it didn’t you?”
She was silent, the only sound, that of her breathing.
“Admit it and I’ll go.”
Still she was silent, I waited, but she said nothing.
“Mum I need some honesty from you, I’m not going to take advantage of you now, but you need to accept that what happened tonight is a shared responsibility, we were both there, it wasn’t just my fault.” I moved my mouth to where it just touched her ear, and whispered, “you did enjoy me kissing you didn’t you Mum?”
Still there was silence.
“Didn’t you Mum?”
There was another short silence, and then in a whisper came the word that I wanted to hear.
“Yes.”
“Good, now at least we can accept that it wasn’t something that was wrong.”
“But it was wrong, I’m your mother, we shouldn’t be doing that, and you shouldn’t have touched my breasts as you did.”
I ignored the point about her breasts, as that probably was taking advantage of her, and I couldn’t win an argument on that front anyway. But my thought is that when you’re confronted by temptation, the best way to make it go away, is to give into it and the temptation will go away, and so that’s what I’d done.
“Mum, we did kiss, and we both enjoyed it, so let’s accept what happened. It can’t be wrong when two people who love each other as much as we do, show each other affection, it just can’t be wrong.”
She didn’t answer me.
“You do love me as much as I love you, don’t you Mum?”
There was of course only one answer that she could give. “Yes, of course I love you, but it shouldn’t be in that way though, it just cannot be that way, ever.”
“Alright, but are we ok now mum?”
After another long awkward silence, she gave a sigh of resignation, “ok, yes of course, but that can’t happen again.”
I slipped my hand under the blankets and found hers curled up between her breasts, her fingers grasped mine eagerly, probably so that she was able to control what I could and couldn’t touch.
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