“Shut up!” she threw back. She put her head in her hands and chuckled. “I still can’t believe that happened. Its so embarrassing.”
“I can almost guarantee that he’s jerked off thinking about you.” I threw it out there. It was the truth and she knew it.
“Don’t joke about that!” Amanda yelped. She looked kind of angry and shocked. I decided to take a different tact. I wasn’t going to tease, I would just confess. She was my best friend after all. I needed to talk to someone.
“I’m not joking,” I told her. I made sure to make eye contact with her to let her know I wasn’t joking. “Can I tell you something?”
“Of course.”
“Since David came back home from school, I’ve noticed that my panties have been going missing from my dirty clothes.” I looked down. Just saying these words out loud was making me question myself and feel very embarrassed. Am I crazy?
“What? I don’t understand..” she said.
“He’s taking my used panties and using them to jerk off.” I answered sheepishly.
“Using them how?”
“I assume he’s.. sniffing them. They are used.” I said, embarrassed. “That’s not all, though. I was confused about it, so I went on his computer and snooped a little bit.”
“Oh God. That’s not a good idea,” my friend said. “You know he’s looking at porn. Why do you want to see that?” She was starting to seem agitated and I wondered how much more I should say.
“Amanda..” I looked her dead in the eyes. “He looks at incest stuff. Mother and son. Like, exclusively. The only thing he’s getting off to. Well, that and my used panties.”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe there is porn like that.”
“Seriously? There’s a lot of stuff like that. A ton. He goes to these forums where people talk about seducing their moms or seducing their sons. I don’t know if its all fake or what, but there is a lot of it out there.”
“See?” she said. “Nothing good can come from looking at a teenager’s internet history. What are you going to do?”
“I’m not gonna say anything to him. How can I? I can’t do anything.” This wasn’t going the way I wanted it to. Amanda didn’t seem excited, she didn’t seem intrigued. She seemed concerned. I was really starting to question myself. What was I thinking? What kind of mother am I? I was actually considering having sex with my own son. I came over here thinking I’m gonna get her to fuck her son too? I was feeling seriously ashamed. “Its fucking with my head, Amanda.”
“I can imagine,” she said. “Are you going to hide your panties so he can’t take them?”
“No,” I said. “And the fucked up thing…” I stopped. I felt like I needed to admit at least how much I was struggling with this. I wanted this. I had the most powerful, craziest orgasm of my life the previous night, thinking about David. I was so ashamed of myself but then going back, thinking about the tent in his pajamas as we cuddled on the couch, about his beautiful cock pictures, about the way he talked about me on his post. I knew if and when he came onto me, I was giving in. I felt like a deer trapped in headlights. I was getting turned on again, but saying these things out loud to Amanda was making me so ashamed and fearful. It was a weird feeling.
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