I held it up as a prop and said, “Better get this right back to Lori. You know how she is without her phone.”
“I’m waiting,” Mrs. Branch said.
“Waiting?”
“For your apology. You were very disrespectful the last time you were here. Admit you crossed the line.”
I was ready to blurt. Lori had already gotten me to another line—the blurting line.
“I was only giving my opinion. Don’t I have a right to my own opinion?”
“Not where it comes to judging your elders. Remember, I’m three times older than you are.”
She was fifty-two, so not quite, but close. I wasn’t going to argue math with her. That age thing stuck with her as some sort of right of superiority for some reason.
“I just told the truth as I see it,” I blurted. “My opinions. That’s all. Where was I so wrong: that you probably need some male attention? some male appreciation? that you have a great body? Deny that one! You know you do. So I recognize that and said it. Does that make me wrong?”
“That’s disrespectful from someone your age.”
“I don’t see why. Those are my private thoughts. To wonder what you look like naked. Because it would be so awesome to see what you’ve got hiding under all those tight clothes. I can see perfectly your shape. But I wonder if you would look as sexy without your clothes.”
“Get out. Get out now.”
But, I wasn’t done. “And I don’t know how much time I spent trying to guess what size those big boobs are. I bet—”
“36C.”
“What?” I was jolted out of my blurt.
“36C. Full C to be precise. Now you don’t have to waste any more of your time wondering.”
She opened the door and I went out. I looked back at that face and said, “Now I only have to wonder what 36 full C feel like.”
“I’m calling your mother and telling her.”
“Tell her what? That I’m curious about a woman’s great body?”
She slammed the door.
In the car I thought about why I said what I said. Maybe I was looking for a way out with Lori, and getting her mother mad was an easy way.
Then again, maybe I was curious.
************************************
Another week went by. A week without a call to my mother from Mrs. Branch. She probably could see Lori and I were about to split and it wasn’t worth the trouble.
On the other hand, I did get a call. I was hoping it wasn’t Lori. She had worn me down into agreeing to see her during her pool duties at 4 p.m. I hoped she would remember her phone.
It was my Uncle Zack. “Hi, Mikey. Busy?”
“Not this morning. Not at all. Why, got something for me to do?”
“I’m in New York and I need some files on the desk computer at home. I didn’t think I’d need them for these meetings, but a great opportunity came up. You’ve got to be flexible and make things happen. Haven’t I told you that?”
“Yeah. And, Auntie Lee can barely do email. So I get the picture.”
“You’re not as dumb as you look,” he said and laughed.
“I’m not as dumb as YOU look!” We both laughed. We’d been saying that joke to each other as long as I could remember. “Give me the details.”
He did: file names, where to send them, and … the password to his prized desk computer.