“Yeah, I do okay, but this situation is a little unusual…the woman is older than me.”
She tilted her head for a second and I thought she might be thinking that I might be talking about her, but she dismissed it and said, “Okay, so…?”
“Well, It’s been a couple of years and I can’t stop thinking about her. I mean really, I’m talking every day.”
“Have you approached her? Who is she?” Carla saw me hesitate.
“I don’t mean her name, I mean what does she do, how do you know her?” Again I hesitated.
Carla said, “Danny, I’ve known you for a long time now – what aren’t you telling me?”
“You swear you won’t say anything?”
“Daniel, I don’t have to swear because you know I wouldn’t.”
“Oh man…” I said. “It’s my mom.”
Her eyes opened wide, “You mean you…you’re thinking about your mom in a…sexual way?”
I shook my head yes and after a moment she said, “This would really be a good time to sing, ‘Oh Danny boy’…”
“I’m serious Carla,” I said
“I know Danny, I’m sorry, I just need a minute to process this. How can I help you?”
“I don’t know; I need some advice.”
“This is really sticky territory Danny. You know I’m not a prude, and that I have no problem with adults doing whatever…if nobody gets hurt. But somebody may get hurt here Danny. Let’s forget about the fact that she’s your mother…if we can. You’re not even twenty, you’re infatuated, and maybe there’s something ‘Naturally un-natural’ about an attraction between a young mother and son that almost grew up together, but she’s still at a different stage of her life.”
I had some hope that Carla understood what I was talking about on a personal level and maybe she’d experienced some of the same emotions, so I said, “Carla, can you imagine having feelings…?”
She shook her head at me and said, “We’re not talking about me now. Let’s face it, at your age, all you’re thinking about is sex. I know Grace a little better now, she’s proud as she can be of you and she loves you to death, but she needs someone for the long term, someone to make a life with, not someone to …screw a few times for the forbidden thrill of it, and then be on her way.”
“Carla,” I said, “What if I want to be that person? I’m not only talking about sex here; give me a little credit. I wouldn’t hurt my mom just to screw her. I love her Carla, and I’m always going to. I know it’s crazy, but I know she has feelings for me and is it just insane, or are some things possible even if nobody else thinks so? Carla…I love her, and I want to be with her.”
“Oh Daniel, I’m sorry you’re unhappy. All I can tell you is…to listen to her. Talk to her, but be gentle and bring things up slowly…but listen to her, it’s even more important that talking.”
As usual Carla’s advice was on the money. I shifted my head from all the scenarios where I try to seduce or convince my mother and I started listening to her and being there for her. In the beginning our talking had nothing to do with us, or sex. I listened when she told me about her day and I listened when she told me about her happiness and her fears.