I heard foot scuff sounds on the deck and then the slider slid open. It was Divi again. She stepped inside and closed the door behind her. She didn’t move any further. I stood up and said, “What’s up?”
She said, “I just wanted to tell you that I’m having my friends for an end of the summer sleep over before we all go our own ways. I don’t know when exactly but you have to be here. You just have to. Okay?” I didn’t respond right away and she repeated her statement, “You have to be here. Please?” In the flickering light from the TV I could see her eyes glistening as they brimmed with tears.
I felt bad for her. She was trying desperately to hold her current life together; with her friends and with me. From our earlier conversation, I could tell that she was afraid of the pending transition to college and whatever lay beyond. She was overwhelmed. She’d be on her own, which excited her like it does all teenagers, but she was afraid too. She was afraid of making bad choices. She had giggled when she’d said that and followed that up with, ‘It seems that making bad choices are in my genes.’ I told her that if she was living her life, she’d make good and bad choices. We all did.
Regarding her sleep-over party, I knew what she had in mind and I had to admit that I was aroused by it. I told her that I wouldn’t miss it. She grinned so hard that the tears in her eyes broke free and rolled down her cheeks. She wiped her cheeks with her sleeve and said, “I love you Jack.”
I had to be very careful about my response; both in action and words. I smiled at her and moved slowly to her and offered my arms. She pushed herself to me. I patted her on the back and rested my cheek on the top of her head. She whispered, “I love you.”
I kissed her forehead and pulled back when she lifted her face to kiss me back. The last thing I wanted to do was disrespect her feelings. I said, “I know. I will always be here for you for anything you need. Okay?” I pulled back and we separated. I knew she wanted more but that wouldn’t have been wise. I said, “Let me know in advance when your party is. Okay?”
Divi grinned and I could tell she was already planning the details as she said, “Good night Jack and thanks for everything.” I threw her an air-kiss and she returned it as she closed the slider behind her. I returned to the game. It was in the ninth inning and the Sox were winning. I shut off the TV and took a quick shower before climbing into bed. I laid there with my hands behind my head staring at the ceiling fan. There must have been a full moon and it was bright enough to read by.
I laid there for a long time thinking about Divi and Priya and how they had come into my life. I developed an erection as I thought about them. My erection grew harder as Divi’s friends flashed through my mind. Women’s faces and bodies flashed faster and faster and then everything instantly stopped as I thought of Anna. This is when I always got morose and I braced myself for it. Then, my mental vision of Anna morphed into Donna, with her beautiful face, her ever-present smile and easy-going disposition. Then I realized that I was smiling. I relaxed my facial muscles and continued to relax with each breath until I drifted off to sleep.