Now somewhere along the lines, I think I developed somewhat of an Oedipus complex. That whole thing where you’re said to want to kill your father to take possession of your mother. I never really wanted to kill anyone, but I did want my mom to myself. When I was in high school, she started dating this guy. And ever since they started dating, I felt like I started not being as close to my mom as I had been. I always felt uncomfortable when he was around. I just kind of wanted them to break up, but they eventually ended up getting married after being together for a couple of years. And then he moved in with us. And I feel like that made me even less closer to her. I just wanted things to go back to how they were. I just wanted my mom back…
I know I haven’t really described what my mom looks like yet, and I’m not going to. You can picture her however you want. But my mom is a goddess. I know that sounds pretty corny, but that’s just how I feel. Like I said, she’s the only one who can always get my dick up. She doesn’t look like a porn star or anything. I’m not trying to say I have the hottest mother one can possibly have, because I don’t. She looks normal, if anything. But my lust for her is relentless. So to me, she is the hottest there is. She’s been my one big fantasy.
Now, instead of just masturbating to pictures of clothed women like I’d been doing most of the time, I’m masturbating to actual hardcore porn. With the majority of it being incest porn. My innocent masturbation had turned into something more. I try my hardest to find actual incest porn and not just the fake kind with actors. Sometimes I’m not sure what’s real and what isn’t, but I can’t imagine any of it being real. I can’t imagine anyone actually filming themselves fucking their mothers and not worrying about who would see it. But my favorite porn star would have to be Rachel Steele. She does all of these fake incest videos, but she’s the closest thing I can get to watching incest with a realistic storyline. And she just reminds me of my mother. From her voice, to her personality, to in some ways her body structure. I just always picture her being my mother, or I picture myself fucking my own mother. And I wanted to figure out a way to do it.
Two years ago, I was staying over at my cousin’s house a lot during that winter, because I didn’t like being at home. I was severely depressed, and I was just tired of getting into it with my mom. I was twenty years old, with no job, still living at home with my mom and step-dad. A lot of the times I would get into it with her about wanting to take my car out, but she wouldn’t let me leave a lot of the times. She always wanted me to do things her way, and if I didn’t, she would make my life miserable. But while I was at my cousin’s house… (Keep in mind, I went like a whole week or two without masturbating. There have only been like three times in my life where I’ve went that long. The longest I’ve ever went since discovering masturbation was three weeks). But while I was over there, I started thinking about my mom. I just wanted to go home. I was really horny, and I wanted to figure out a way to have sex with my mom. I wanted to finally fulfill my lasting fantasy. So I thought long and hard about it that night, about what I was going to do. I recited it in my head over and over until I got it right.
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