Sure enough, as soon as we got to the cake itself, all fuckin’ hell started breaking loose.
It started with a fart from the bride, of all people. Not just a soft poot, either. The ripper could be heard from across the dining hall. It was followed by a resounding ripper from the groom himself. I glanced in their direction, and said “You’re excused!” in a loud voice, which caused some chuckles from the Snobbish Elite around me. Oh, they weren’t going to be spared, however.
Then Maggie got a surprised look on her face as a gurgling sound escaped from her, followed quickly by an expression of pure horror. Reginald’s face scrunched up as he smelled something foul, then let loose with his own gurgling sound from his ass. They looked at each other in horror as more farts and gurgles were heard from the rest of the guests.
Maggie and Reggie boy were up and running as quickly as they could, and I could see brown fluid dripping on the floor from beneath her dress, followed by Reggie trying to hide the spreading brown stain on the back of his Dress White pants. Both were making a mad dash for the restrooms, and were soon followed by more guests as they realized that they had just shit themselves.
Kat and I left quickly and quietly, and were sitting in Bullitt when we couldn’t hold our laughter anymore. We both had tears streaming down our faces as we damn near busted our guts laughing so hard.
“Oh my God, Mac!” Kat laughed, then held her stomach as she guffawed. I was laughing just as hard as she was.
“Do you think I used too much?” I said between tear filled bouts of laughter.
“How fast does that shit work?!” She laughed again.
“Well, the boxes at Costco said it worked well, but not to use too much of it.” I snickered as our laughter finally died down a bit.
“How many boxes did you pour into the cake mix?!” She asked incredulously.
“All of them.” I smiled serenely, causing Kat to just about die laughing again.
I’d used a powdered chocolate flavored laxative and poured it into the boxes of cake mix that the caterers had set aside for the Pennington wedding. The cake and cupcakes were almost pure laxative, since I’d dumped out most of the cake mix boxes and replaced them with the powdered laxative. I’d also poured some in with the regular cake mix, so that it wouldn’t be TOO strong.
But damn! I didn’t expect it to work THAT fast! That was just the icing on the cake (HA HA).
The night I’d gone to the caterer, it was ostensibly to work out a contract with him for the chocolate my factory made. He’d contacted me a few months prior, and I’d promised to get back to him. I told him that we’d been a little backlogged, due to several of my team members getting sick, but once we were back up and running, I was able to take some samples to him. He had a greedy look in his eyes as he thought I was going to give him what he wanted.
When he’d given me a tour of the place, he showed me the kitchen, and had even pointed out that they were catering the Pennington wedding. I’d already known, of course, but he didn’t know that the bride was my cheating gold digging ex-wife. I played nice, then as soon as he told his people to knock off for the day, he went back to his office after shaking my hand. He said he would get the paperwork drawn up for the contract, and would let me and Tim know when it was finished. However, I think he must have forgotten all about that contract in the days that followed the wedding itself.