“We can’t.”
“But we have to.”
Lighting one of the rare cigarettes I smoked when very nervous as we stood in the courtyard where James and I had come so close to being caught, it hit me with a massive jolt that had Bruce been just five minutes later he would have seen his naked son fucking his naked wife up against the wall of the garage that I was now leaning against smoking. The thought made me shudder with a combination of fear and excitement.
“James there is no have to about it at all,” I said exhaling smoke upwards and trying to sound authoritative and motherly.
“Oh yes there is mum, you know it every bit as much as I want it.”
“James stop it.”
“Look we have come this far, I am in love with you and want you so much,” he said smiling that enigmatic grin at me as he brushed the long quiff of hair away from his wyes. ‘Fuck,’ I thought, he is simply gorgeous and I want him so much.
Before we had done anything other than flaunt ourselves to each other a little and slightly flirt I had worked out that my feelings for my son were stronger than probably they should be. I spent hours on the net researching this. To my amazement I found that incest is far more prevalent than most think, that after siblings, mother and son is the most popular pairing and that the feelings I had for James were experienced by the many mothers. That had calmed and reassured me a little and to an extent helped me overcome my doubts and concerns. What of course, though, it could not do was reassure me about the future, about the aftermath of having sex with my son. After all once you have committed incest, you cannot ‘uncommit’ can you? There was little or no information that I could find that explained what a mother and son do longer term about their relationship, if indeed there is a longer term? It would be difficult enough for a woman in her mid-forties to live comfortably with a man twenty plus years her junior if he was not her son, add that element in and it became as good as fucking impossible. But as James had said ‘we should live for the now, not the tomorrow.’ That was easy to say when still in your teens, but much harder to live by when the big five o is creeping up on you.
“You mustn’t say or even think that,” I said finishing the cigarette and not really meaning a word of what I said. In truth I was pleased and excited that he said he loved me, after all no woman wants to be wanted just for sex do they?
“But A, it’s true, I am in love with you.”
“You mustn’t be, what about dad and Sara?”
“Mum I can’t think about them. I am obsessed with you and as far as I am concerned there is just us, no one else. And that is all I want.”
“Darling you have all your life ahead of you.”
“And I want to spend that with you,” he said sensing the moment was right to kiss me and he was right. The feel of his arms around me, my body against him, his erection pressed against me and his lips on mine made me start to believe him.
“It’s impossible James, we can’t.”
“But we can, it’s easy we just do it.”