“Affairs are very difficult to handle.”
“Are they mum, I wouldn’t know, do you?”
“Yes well yes I guess they are.”
“How do you know mum?”
That’s when I confided in him and told about the nine months affair I had with a co-worker who was also married. Neither of us had any intention of it going any further than sex and there was no longer–term future.
“So was he the other camera?”
I didn’t get what he meant at first, but then it clicked. When he had downloaded and sorted the photos he had found on my laptop and showed them to me he had said that some of the later ones had been taken by a different camera to the one Bruce had and had asked if dad had bought a new one.
“Yes James, yes he was.”
“Bit risky wasn’t it?
“Yes it was but it seemed a good idea at the time.”
“You enjoy it then?”
“Yes I did very much and to mitigate the risk he suggested I take some of him as well.”
“So did you?”
“Yes I did.”
“Did you enjoy doing that?”
“It was ok,” I lied playing it down.
“Just ok mum?”
“Well no it was more than that, I enjoyed it.”
“Like to take some of me,” he had asked?
The night Bruce so nearly caught us was when we were going to have full sex for the first time. Bruce was supposed to be going to Paris, but that had been cancelled so hence, his early and unexpected arrival at home.
That evening was horrendous. I was scared that Bruce really did suspect something so was on tenterhooks in case he said anything. At the same time I was burning up for James, yet simultaneously I was so scared and nervous that word of our incest would get out.
I managed to cook something, but have no recall what it was and cannot remember what we talked about. Sara, my daughter came home around nine and that slightly relieved the tension and she and James went off to look at some Instagram and snapchat stuff, websites that have completely passed me by. I want to bed early around ten, but took ages getting off to sleep. The guilt, the worry and the lust for my son combined to keep my mind whirring into the early hours when I fell into a fitful sleep.
The next day Sara was at home so James and I could not talk or do anything and the following day I was at work so the weekend was upon us before I hardly knew what was happening. On the Saturday morning Sara went off to play hockey and Bruce went to golf. He invited James to accompany him but he refused.
“How the fuck did you pull that off,” James said referring to the courtyard incident as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me?
I explained what I had done and how I had avoided us being caught, literally with our pants down.
“So mum you used your body to save our reputation didn’t you?”
“Yes I guess I did,” I said looking out into the garden and seeing that Tom the guy who looked after the lawns and the pool guy were both pottering around. I was pleased for that meant I would not have to confront the problem of making love to my son. That did not, though, prevent us from talking about it. “Getting more like a slut every day aren’t I?” I smiled.
“Don’t say that, don’t be silly. When can we do it A?”