Still, she was under me now, and if I wasn’t a complete idiot, she could be forever. I had to learn to say no. I had to stop the stupidity. I’d fucked my boss, a random stewardess, and a lonely, broken, Spanish treasure, and for what? For what?
I felt the tears welling in my eyes, and fought to hold them back. My arms were trembling, but not from exhaustion. I turned my head to the side, and bit back the sob that threatened its release.
Debbie, reached for my head, and turned me to face her. She brushed the tear away that had managed to break free and create a path of exposed regret down my face.
“No,” she said softly.
I lowered myself onto her, holding her tight, heedless of my weight crushing her. I buried my face in her shoulder, unable to hold back, crying as I hadn’t since before I had pubic hair.
Debbie seemed oblivious to the discomfort I must have been subjecting her to. She clung to me with her legs, refusing to allow me to slide out of her. Her hands caressed my back and head. “Shhhh,” she whispered, “I’m here.”
She was there. And she would be if I didn’t chase her away. She wouldn’t be lying with strangers, even though she could have any man who so much as looked at her. She was completely, and utterly devoted to me, and I was a fucking asshole, letting my dick lead me where ever it may.
“I’m sorry, Debbie,” I managed to gasp, squeezing her. “I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you. Never, ever.” I raised up off of her, taking the weight of my torso onto my elbows. “Nothing could take me from you.”
The tears were flowing freely, and I almost jumped when Beth reached out with a facecloth and washed them away. “It’s Ok, Jack. She’s here for you. We’re here for you.”
It was true, and I knew that I didn’t deserve them. Either of them. I struggled free from Debbie’s anguished arms, laying on my back next to her. I pulled the pillow over my face and screamed into it.
I was insane. What else could explain my constant attempts to sabotage my situation? I was the luckiest man in the world. I dared any man to say otherwise, and yet, time after time, I did my best to destroy it.
I’d risked my boss’s marriage, a stewardess’s career, and destroyed my favorite Major’s engagement, and most likely left her in a terrible situation. And why? Why?
“WHY?” I screamed into the pillow.
Just so I could get my rocks off in some strange pussy, while my soul-mate withered at home. I didn’t deserve her.
Beth was struggling to get the pillow from me. “Stop it, Jack! Stop it! You’re scaring me.”
I let her take it away, and covered my face with my hands. “God. I don’t deserve you. Either of you.”
I felt Debbie’s weight before I looked down and saw her straddling me. Any hint of firmness had left me, as I fought my personal demons, knowing that I was too weak to triumph in that particular battle.
My ethereal beauty leaned over, pulling my hands away from my face, and leaning forward on her arms, pinning them to the bed beside my head. “No! I won’t let you. You don’t get to discard me so easily,” she said fiercely.