Some were talking excitedly. Some were arguing. Some were deathly silent. At least one couple, one Greg didn’t expect to recover from this evening, were in an embrace and both were crying.
Elodie came out at the end with Quiara. Quiara saw Greg and gave him a gesture which he took to mean, “hold on a few minutes”.
Using the key fob, Elodie located the Odyssey Greg got for her. Quiara walked to the van with her and Elodie cried as she took it in.
Quiara helped her get in it and get the seats and mirrors adjusted. Greg could see her demonstrating the controls. They both had the same model van, so Quiara was able to help Elodie with it all. Quiara then sat in the passenger seat next to Elodie and they talked for a while. I knew they had a lot to discuss.
After about twenty minutes, Quiara got out of Elodie’s van and walked over to our car. She was crying her eyes as she got in the passenger seat.
“Greg,” she said, “I’m so sorry. I never…”
Greg held out his hand and said “Stop,” gently but firmly.
She stopped right away.
Greg said, “I want to speak first and I want you to just listen, OK?”
Quiara nodded.
“I’ve been seeing a counselor for anger management and to try to figure out whether it was worth it for us to reconcile. She has helped me out a lot. The fact that I didn’t kill that Asshat in that room, or at the least, viciously assault him, is an absolute miracle. Do you understand that?”
Quiara nodded.
“My counselor has me convinced that I owe it to our kids, to you, and to myself to find a way to get over this and stay together. She helped me develop a game plan. This game plan is predicated on radical honesty.
“My counselor says that people who are caught cheating often fall into a pattern of denial, partial truth, minimizing, rationalizing, and outright lying. They practice all the various forms of deception because the stakes are so high, there is a perverse incentive to lie.
“Cheaters do this in the hopes that if they can ease their partner over the initial shock. They think that this will give them enough maneuvering room to preserve their marriages. They think they are justified to lie to preserve the relationship. They comfort themselves by rationalizing that they’ll make it up to their spouses later. She says the impulse to do this is a misguided kindness.
“In reality, lying is the worst thing that a cheater can do, because the foundations of trust are already broken. The deception by the cheater shows the wronged party that their partner simply cannot be trusted any longer. Do you understand the point my counselor was trying to make on why radical honesty is important?”
“Yes, Greg,” said Quiara.
“I could test you for honesty. I could ask you for an explanation without telling you anything that I know. I could then use your own lack of knowledge of what evidence I have against you to tempt you into deception: denial, partial truths, minimizing, rationalizing, or outright lying.
“There are valid reasons for me to do this. If you told me exactly what I already knew, it would help me relax, because it would show me you were serious about coming clean and that you really wanted us to continue. If you acted deceptively, however, I would draw the conclusion that you aren’t trustworthy. Are you following me?”