“There must be something you two can do to make things better,” I said. “How long has it been this way?”
“Tim said early-on in our marriage that he thought maybe sex wasn’t exciting for him because he was afraid of an unwanted pregnancy. When we decided to start a family, I got pregnant right away. He was thrilled when I told him, but he wouldn’t touch me until after our daughter was born. It was the same thing with our son.”
“Do you think that’s why you have so little sex now? Fear of getting you pregnant?”
“Hardly. We talked about it way back when we were in high school. We wanted two kids, period. When our son was born, we discussed it again, and I had my tubes tied. So no, that’s definitely not it.”
“So, there’s no physical intimacy between you two?”
“We always hug and kiss when we get home, and we make it a point to give a kiss good-bye, even if we’re just going to the convenience store down the street. He kisses me good-night, but it’s pretty much the same kiss we give the kids. What’s wrong with me? Am I that unattractive?” Sarah asked.
“You’re very attractive, Sarah. A man would have to be blind to not see that.
“I wish that were his problem,” she said. “I just think he doesn’t like sex. I know he was raised to believe that sex is wrong unless it’s for procreation.”
“There were people in my generation who were raised that way,” I said, “but I thought all that nonsense stopped with the Age of Aquarius, free love, and the whole ‘If it feels good, do it’ hedonism thing.”
“Apparently not,” she mused, “at least not in my house.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say,” I replied.
“There’s nothing TO say. Now, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention this to anyone. The whole thing is pretty personal, you know.”
“Of course. I would never reveal a secret told in confidence.”
“I gather you like sex,” she said.
“Well, yeah, I do,” I answered. “It’s not just the actual sex act, either – you know, penetration and orgasm. I like the whole intimacy thing, the foreplay, discovering ways to give and receive pleasure, and the after-play, if you will – the cuddling, the shower, whatever it is people do after sex. I enjoy all parts of making love with a woman.”
“How do you make love to a woman?”
“Hmmm. I never had anyone ask me to lay it all out before. I guess it depends on whether we’ve been together before, or if it’s going to be a new experience,” I mused. “If she’s a partner I’ve been with before, hopefully I already know what pleases her and what things she doesn’t like. I build on that knowledge base.”
“What if it’s your first time with someone, or if the woman is inexperienced?” she asked.
“Inexperienced, as in she’s a virgin? Or inexperienced, meaning she hasn’t done all that much? I was with one virgin, way back in high school.”
“Let’s say she’s not a virgin, but she’s never had really satisfying sex,” Sarah said.
I caught myself before I said, “I’ll show you.” Instead, I tried to make myself think in theoretical terms. Finally, I said, “I think I would start with something relatively benign, like holding her hand on a romantic walk, or over dinner or drinks.”
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