Careful not to disturb Danny, I stepped quietly out of our room, closing the door behind me.
“I’ll be back in 15 minutes,” I whispered, more to myself than to my son.
As I walked down the hallway towards room 1134, I whispered a mantra inside my head:
I am in control. I am in control. I am in control.
And then, standing in front of the door, I raised my hand to knock. Suddenly, the photos I’d seen on Johan’s camera roll leapt into my mind. That young, pretty Asian girl, down on all fours. Then I thought of my sister, and all of the white boys she’d gone driving with back in high school.
I shook my head, dashing the images from my mind.
“That’s not me,” I whispered aloud. “I am in control.”
Then, I knocked.
A moment later, Johan opened the door. He was wearing the same white t-shirt and running shorts that he’d been dressed in the last time I’d be to his room.
“You came,” he grinned devilishly.
“Well, you were right,” I said, stepping into the room. “We do need to talk.”
I walked past him and sat down in the chair in the corner of his room.
“I want you to know that I understand what you are feeling,” I said calmly.
“You do?” he asked, sitting back on the bed.
“These tournaments, these records… they’re part of your identity,” I continued. “Just like they are for Danny.”
I folded my hands in my lap.
“You’ve made it very clear that you aren’t a kid anymore,” I said. “But if you want to be treated like an adult, then you’ve got to start acting like an adult.”
“Okay,” he nodded, half-smiling.
“Being an adult means treating other people with respect, Johan,” I said, frowning to show him I was serious. “And it also means letting other people have their turn.”
“Is that right?” he grinned.
“It’s Danny’s turn now,” I nodded. “And if you want to be an adult, then you need to accept that, even if it stings a little.”
“Hmmmmm,” he scratched his chin, bemused.
“These records, they can’t last forever,” I said softly. “But you’ll always have the memory of what it feels like to be a champion.”
“So then, does this mean that we can have an adult conversion?” he asked, leaning forward. “Since, you know, you’re telling me to act like an adult.”
“I’m capable of have a respectful, adult conversation,” I said, straightening my back. “Are you?”
“Nikki, do you know what I’ve learned from the Rubik’s Cube over the years?” he said, sitting up in bed.
“What?” I asked.
“That every problem has a solution,” he replied. “No matter the circumstances, there is always a series of moves that can get you to the result you want.”
“That’s very empowering,” I remarked.
“Yes,” he nodded. “It’s given me a lot of confidence, because I know that with the right moves, there’s nothing I cannot do.”
“That is confident,” I agreed. “Although some might say that’s a little arrogant.”
“Every situation has a solution. Even people have solutions,” he continued, ignoring my comment. “Even you have a solution, Nikki.”
“I’m not sure about that,” I said warily.
“I am,” he nodded. “Because I’ve almost solved you.”
“Excuse me?” I balked. “You don’t know me.”