Thomas- There’s a video message for you on the stick. The video is for you and only you and it requires a password for you to access. The password is a simple one-syllable word I taught you this past year. –N
In the relative seclusion of my room, I plugged the USB stick into my laptop. When the dialogue box appeared asking for the password, I hesitated momentarily before typing in: cunt. The video player started up and there was Nico looking out at me from my screen. I couldn’t help but smile when I saw those green eyes but the smile was short-lived as I noticed Nico was pale and drawn, she wasn’t wearing any makeup, and her hair was now a more natural auburn color and rather unkempt. The wall behind her bed was plain white with no decorations. The vibe was definitely institutional. Frowning, I clicked Play.
“Hi, Thomas. There’s no easy way to say this, so here it is: The reason you’ve received this video is that I am dead.”
My vision darkened, the walls and ceiling closed in on me. I forced myself to take deep slow breaths until the pressure lifted. On-screen, Nico was blinking back tears and looking away from the camera. After a minute she took a shaky breath and went on.
“There’s so much I want to tell you and there’s so much I need to tell you. I owe you the truth and more.
“I have a type of brain tumor known as a glioblastoma multiforme that is rather malignant and was rather advanced when it was found over a year ago. The location of the tumor made surgical treatment impossible. I did have radiative therapy but it was ineffective. Even if that did work it was only going to buy me a few extra months. The prognosis was grim: Most people in my condition die within six months; a small percentage make it to twelve. I’m on month fourteen and counting so I feel like I’ve won some sort of cosmic sweepstakes.
“After I was diagnosed I had a choice. I could either spend my remaining time at home with my family, enduring countless trips to the hospital for treatment that might buy me a short amount of time or I could go back to school and try and live a normal life.
“I chose life. I was nineteen and I wanted to be normal or, at least, pretend to be for the little time I had left.
“Knowing when I was going to die changed me. I saw how much pain my condition was causing my family and I wanted to spare others from ever feeling that, so I decided I wouldn’t let anyone new get close to me. Turns out, that wasn’t so easy.
“I also began experiencing all these dark urges. I didn’t want to get involved with anyone but I began to have sexual cravings. I was able to resist them for a while but then they overwhelmed me. They still do but now I don’t have the strength to act on them.”
I noticed as she spoke her left eyelid was blinking slightly slower than her right. There was also a slurring of her words but I didn’t know if that was from the tumor or possibly from medication.
“Maybe I was feeling lonely. Maybe it was the fact that you treated me decently in spite of my appearance. Maybe it was the alcohol. Maybe it was chemistry. Maybe it was everything. Maybe it was nothing. Whatever it was, when I caught you checking out my body I had the undeniable urge to suck your cock. I figured I would jump you, have a good time and we would go our separate ways. But you really surprised me. I tried to forget about you afterwards but it was impossible. You once called me your drug. Well, you were my drug and I was hooked after only one time.