Dad looked across the room and said, “Carrie, you’re going to grow up to be a “hottie” like your mom one day.”
That’s all mom needed to hear. With that, she moved from the couch where my brother and I were sitting, sat down on dad’s lap and put her arm around his neck, “Jerry, you still think I’m a hottie?”
I can still remember quite clearly my father very sweetly looking my mother in the face that night, “Clair, you’ll always be my hottie. And I always love you.” Then he kissed mom. My brother and I would always get a little embarrassed watching our parents show affection to each other. But it was also a sense of comfort to see them happy together. Those were nice times.
Life went on and both Dan and I went to a nearby University. I received a degree in teaching and Dan became of all things, an accountant. I say that because I knew him better than anyone else. We went to thru school together and Dan never mentioned any interest in math at all. Everyone, including his family, was surprised by his choice
to major in accounting. But he did it and later got his Masters. I was so proud. Why? Because I loved the best friend and lover any woman could ask for. I was sure Dan would ask me to marry him, to build a future, build a home, and raise children together.
As for my teaching degree. I did it to have an occupation to fall back on if needed. And be near Dan. I wanted to be a housewife and was not ashamed to admit it. I saw it as a positive thing. I worked as a teacher for a while until our first child was born, a boy we named Michael. That that was enough full-time employment for me. I was proud to be a stay at home mom. My girlfriends who still worked would ask sometimes, did I miss work? Honestly, no. Not at all. I was more than happy being a housewife who stayed at home and cared for her children. Maybe it a group decision too because 5 my friends became pregnant during the same time and quit their jobs also. We would get together and plan little outings to the park or the mall for shopping almost daily with our children. The birthday parties get-togethers for our children sealed our friendships.
After our three darlings came along, I decided to have my tubes tied. It was a decision we made together. Doesn’t sound sexy, but it was the fact. I had my hands full, but I loved my babies to death. It’s still like running a zoo sometimes, but it’s my zoo. Again, if it wasn’t for them I don’t think I could have carried on.
So, what happened to my perfect marriage? I lost my mind. There are realities and fantasies. And I crossed a line I should never have. I lost touch with reality and became obsessed with a stupid fantasy. The ugly truth is it’s nobody’s fault but mine. Do you find a wife who ruins her marriage with some stupid sexcapade disgusting? You will never come close to scratching the surface the disgust I have for myself nor the amount of hate either. Not now. Now ever.
Sorry, if I gave you the impression Dan and I were angels. We were pretty wild together before we got married. We did all kinds of crazy stuff and messed around with soft drugs in high school. I’ve seen Dan clutching a toilet bowl for dear life from drinking too much and he’s seen me. We also ate mushrooms together a few times way back then which was pretty insane at the time. We would lay in bed all day and fuck ourselves raw. All that partying stopped before we got married. One evening Dan just said, “Carrie, we can’t start a family acting like we were still in high school.” That’s how our partying days ceased.
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