I liked it, more than I should. I’d find myself sitting in the kitchen with him, sharing our day over a cup of coffee as the sound of the television drifted down the hall. I let him get away with the occasional disrespectful comment about his father, made a few myself; we shared a joke or two at his dad’s expense.
Through it all my friendship with Milla strengthened. When William joined us I noticed the easy comfort between them. When Todd joined the three of us, he and I sat closer together, deferred to, supported, praised each other.
And at night I’d duck outside to see if Todd’s bedroom light was off and William’s on. Sometimes they were, but I kept my promise. I was a good girl, I didn’t watch, that is until I did.
* * * * *
Pam, home for Sunday dinner and laundry, and I were washing dishes. Todd had cleared the table, then his dad had called wanting Todd to watch the Royal Rumble. Todd did not look happy, but I told him to humor his father.
Now that we were alone Pamie said, “Does Todd have a girlfriend?”
“Not that I know of, why do you ask?”
“Not sure. He looks good, he’s dressing better, he’s sweeter, more solicitous of you, and me. It’s like he suddenly grew up. My snot-nosed-little-brother is becoming a man. And, when he looks at me, it’s like he doesn’t see his pain-in-the-ass-big-sister, he sees a woman.”
She saw the quizzical look on my face.
“Not in the way frat boys or my professors do, not the leering creepy way, but with a subtle appreciation, an acknowledgment that I’m a good looking woman.”
“Pam, I’ve been noticing the same thing.”
“That’s good to hear, I was wondering if I was crazy.”
We packed her care package and ducked our heads into the living room to say good-night. Todd insisted on carrying her laundry, walked outside with us, kissed his sister good-night, then headed back inside for the “wrasslin’.” As he left Pam, her eyes on his butt, said, “And, I’ve got to admit, while Todd’s noticing my looks, I’ve done the same with him. My brother’s cute. I have some friends who might like to meet him.”
We talked awhile longer. The light in William’s bedroom turned on. Memories of Milla and William’s love-making filled my mind, the fire in my loins spread. When Pam drove off, I re-checked the window, no change. Back inside my husband was alone.
“Where’s Todd?”
“He said he had trouble sleeping last night, he was going upstairs to lie down.”
He hadn’t mentioned a sleepless night, hadn’t acted sleepy.
“How long ago?”
“About fifteen minutes.”
Todd’s light had never turned on; he was watching Milla and William.
I knew how this exchange would go, knew it would be a charade, but did it anyway. I needed to satisfy propriety and my sense of it; I needed to feel like I tried to do the right thing.
I touched my husband’s face and purred, “Sounds like a good idea, why don’t we go upstairs, hit the sack ourselves?”
“I’m not sure honey, I was about to order the pay-per-view highlight show.”
I didn’t understand. “I thought you were watching the pay-per-view?”
“I did, it’s over; these are the highlights.”