“The fuck he won’t. Tell me what happened.”
I took a deep breath. “We argued about sex. And then he just got furious and started breaking everything in here.”
Randy smiled just a little. “Well, I’m gonna need more details than that.”
Joannie returned, juggling three wine glasses in her hands. “You call the cops yet?” she asked us, handing each of us a glass.
I took a grateful glug, but Randy set his glass down on a book lying on the floor. “Mom’s telling me what happened.”
Joannie grunted, and parked herself on the carpet in front of the couch, lotus style, her legs spread wide and her short skirt not covering anything.
“Cute panties,” Randy said, pointing.
“They’re edible,” she quipped.
“No shit?”
“Hey, you two,” I scolded them.
“Oh, sorry, Mom,” he apologized. “Are yours edible, too?”
I stared at him. I guessed I had only myself to blame. But Jesus, couldn’t he keep his mind on matters at hand? After all, we were in the midst of the result of a man’s rage. And I’d thought Randy was so mature.
“We argued about sex!” I shouted, getting to my feet, spilling a little wine on the couch. “Shit!”
“Who?” Joannie asked, confused.
“Allen and me! He always wanted to do the same thing and I told him I was sick of it. I wanted something else.”
“Mom, you sly little vixen,” Randy gave me a sidelong smile.
“Oh Jesus, I know the two of you fucked,” Joannie said, rolling her eyes. “And I heard—” she turned directly to her brother – “how great it was.”
“Yes it was,” I assured her. “I don’t know what I thought I was doing with Allen. He seemed so nice and safe -”
Joannie erupted into laughter. “That was the problem! You don’t need nice and safe, Mom. Dad sure as hell wasn’t. You need a real man. Someone with a sense of adventure, creativity, daring!”
“Yeah,” Randy agreed, looking up at me.
I drank wine.
“Oh I suppose you think that’s you?” Joannie challenged her brother.
“Well, I’m pretty goddamned good. You didn’t have any complaints.”
She actually reddened just a little. “No,” was all she said.
“Listen, you two,” I kept them on track. “So I told Allen I wanted to do something besides missionary all the time, and I started throwing out ideas. He just flipped out. Went completely berserk. Called me a whore. Said that only whores wanted to be fucked doggy, or wanted their pussies eaten out.”
“Christ, how did you two ever hook up?” Randy asked, laughing.
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’ve just – you know I’ve been lonely since your Dad died.”
“You have us,” Joannie reminded me. She ran her tongue over her lips lasciviously, and pulled down the front of her blouse to reveal her succulent, milky cleavage.
“Keep going,” Randy urged her, pointing at her finger.
“Shut up, you,” she pulled the blouse back up. “Mom and I have something special and beautiful.”
“Yeah, well she and I have something special and beautiful, too,” he retorted.
I stood there in the carnage of my destroyed home, watching my adult children try to one-up each other over who’d had the better sexual experience with me.
The two of them had locked eyes. I stood there, exasperated, knowing that anything I said would go unheard.