“Probably?” she questioned.
“As long as they are over eighteen” I responded.
“Have you ever thought about meeting a younger guy from the internet?” she asked.
“No not really, in fact I don’t even do this a whole lot. You are probably one of the first I have ever considered talking to on the phone” I told her.
“Didn’t you say your son just graduated? What about any of his friends? Are any of them cute enough? She asked.
“Well sure, but they are his friends and that would be awkward I think and Tyler would shoot me.” I said to her. I wasn’t thinking of any of his friends at all. The only one I was imagining this with was Tyler. I wanted to just blurt it out and tell her but wasn’t quite sure what she would say if I brought it up, but daringly I did.
“You know I told you that being with a younger guy was my biggest fantasy but truth be told, it’s actually not the biggest. It does involve being with a young guy and I’m sure you won’t talk to me again after I tell you this.” I said and then I hesitated to take a deep breath.
“Oh really…Do tell” she replied anxiously waiting to hear what I was about to tell her.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I felt lost in my own bed. My body was shaking nervously. My palms had begun to sweat. From head to toe I felt chilled. Was I really going to admit this to her…this complete stranger? Underneath the nervousness and chills, I liked this feeling. My body desired more of this excitement but I knew if I told her this, things would change the second I let it out.
“I actually have had a fantasy of Tyler before.” I said and then I fell silent waiting for her to speak.
“Oh wow, are you being serious” she asked me.
Instantly I knew I shouldn’t have told her and immediately regretted the decision. I knew I couldn’t take it back and pretend I was joking. I did however try to play it off by explaining it was because of my depression from the separation.
“Tiffany, you wouldn’t be the first woman to have sexual thoughts about her own son. Lots of mothers that are in your position go through it. I think it is very normal to have fantasies” she said as the feeling of instant relief rang throughout my body.
“You think so” I asked her.
“I know so. Would you ever act on it? She asked.
I hesitated to answer because honestly, I didn’t even know the answer. I started to imagine the first time when I saw Tyler in a sexual manner. I noticed his muscles and imagined how amazing it would feel to lay in his arms and have him kiss me on my lips, and to feel his hands on my hips as I straddle him raising myself up and down on his erect penis. Or, laying there under his body with my legs opened wide for him as he penetrates in and out of me making love to me like his father use to.
“Tiff, you still there” she asked me.
Suddenly I snap back to our conversation “Ummm…I think I probably would try it…I think.”
“I think you should do it” She suggested.
“How and…..How” I asked her with confusion
“I can help you. I only live a few minutes away. Why don’t we arrange for a night when I can come over and we can meet and go from there and we can divvy up a plan” She said. I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that since we just met. Even though this woman sounds very sweet and sincere, underneath it all there could lie a serial killer or an ex murderer.