“I had the kids contact you the best that I could,” I snapped.
“You didn’t, however,” she snipped.
“I didn’t see the need since I’m divorcing you,” I matter-of-factly replied.
“What the fuck?” she snarled “Why?”
“Because you fucked Josh Martin, John Upton, and probably others, and you likely got Covid-19 — which you passed on to the rest of the family including landing our daughter in the hospital — from one of your lovers,” I snapped back.
Lisa didn’t say anything for a while. “Why do you think that?”
“Your phone says it all,” I chuckled, even though there wasn’t anything funny.
After a long pause Lisa said “You’re willing to throw away eleven years of marriage and put our kids through the stress of a divorce because of a couple of flings that didn’t mean anything?”
I scoffed. “They meant something to me. I’m dropping you off at your daddy’s house.”
When we got to daddy’s house Lisa didn’t want to get out of the car, but I finally coaxed her out by telling her that I was bringing the kids by early evening. I was really a nice guy and helped her up the steps to daddy’s front door. He took over from there. If his looks could kill I’d be dead, but instead he just grumbled something about being happy to get rid of Karen and me.
–δ–
Of course there were some skirmishes before everything settled down. At first Winston and Lisa made noises about contesting the divorces. However, once 1) we submitted a report by a contact tracing expert that identified with a 90% probability that Upton was the source of the novel coronavirus exposure of our family; 2) Crystal supported Karen’s allegations of emotional abuse by Winston; 3) the whole family found out that a delayed insurance payout that Karen got as a result of her first husband’s death put her finances on a par with Winston’s so that she wasn’t asking for any money from him; 4) Karen gave me enough money to buy out Lisa’s interest in our house and became my mortgage-holder; 5) an assessment by a child psychologist determined that Karen was an excellent role model and mother-figure for the kids; and 6) I agreed to let Lisa have the kids two nights a week as long as she moved out of Winston’s house and stayed local; settlements were reached in both divorces.
Society was back to a new normal when the divorces were final — on the same day. The very next day Karen and I got married before a justice of the peace (with Crystal and my brother as the witnesses) and took a ten day honeymoon to Aruba while Crystal and Lisa took turns watching the kids.
There were only two things wrong with the honeymoon; 1) I got jealous when Karen was on the topless beach at The Renaissance Island because so many guys were staring at her large classic East-West boobs with protruding nipples; and 2) Karen almost fucked me to death — but what a way to go if she would have.
In fact, the entire year since our honeymoon has felt like a continuation of it, the kids seem well adjusted, and Karen and I have never been happier in our entire lives.