Betrayal, I thought, has to be the worst sin. When you love and trust someone only to discover that they aren’t equally committed, it shakes the very foundations of your being. I felt so many emotions that I couldn’t even identify them all. The only thing I knew for sure was that Ginny was the last person I wanted to see.
The more I thought about the possibility of encountering her, the more upset I got until I did something I shouldn’t have done. I went outside, turned on my cellphone and called Ginny’s number, hoping that she wouldn’t answer. Sure enough, the call rolled over to her voice mail, and hearing her recorded message brought my emotions quickly to the boiling point.
“It’s me, Ginny,” I said, trying hard not to yell at her. “Listen, I know all about you, about your affair with Ameer. I heard what you’d like to do with him when you’re stuck at home with me, and it made me sick. I can’t believe you betrayed me like that, after all I’ve done for you and especially after all the things you said to me about faithfulness.”
I realized my voice was rising and I took a deep breath to try to calm myself. “Anyway, I’ll be home tomorrow and I don’t want you there. Go to your boyfriend’s house or to your parents’ or go to hell for all I care. Just stay away from our house, because the only time I want to see you again is in divorce court!”
I wanted to say more, something to convey all the hurt and anger I felt, but I couldn’t come up with anything clever so I hung up. At that moment I wished I had an old-fashioned phone with a receiver so I could slam it down.
I was still pretty upset so I walked east along South Street for a little way and then retraced my steps. When I got back to our room, Esther was still sleeping. I looked at her and wondered what she was really like. Did she have a boyfriend back in Israel? Did she cheat on him? I shook my head, trying to dispel my dark thoughts. At least she had saved my life. And even though I knew she wanted my help, she hadn’t hesitated to put herself in harm’s way for me. That had to count for something.
I lay down beside her. Even through the covers I could feel the warmth of her body, and it felt good. Then I realized that I was likely to be sleeping alone for a long time to come. On that sad note I drifted off to sleep.
December 30
The “continental breakfast” the motel offered wasn’t much but it fueled us enough to get us on our way. Esther told me that her arm was feeling a lot better, but when we were ready to leave I got back behind the wheel. Besides, I knew the way to my home in College Park.
It took us another hour and a half to get to Washington, and then we had to drive halfway around the Beltway. But once we made it to College Park the traffic dropped off significantly. With all the University of Maryland students gone for Christmas break, the streets were almost deserted.
I drove through our neighborhood warily, but when I went by my house it appeared that Ginny had gotten my warning because her car was not in the driveway. I circled around the block once and then parked.
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