Repentance? Repentance? Suffering and punishment I had thought a lot about but repentance? How the hell does one achieve repentance for causing the death of their child? I was clueless. I needed help, so I went to the best therapist I knew, my favorite bartender. Actually, he had a degree in Psychology. I explained to him about what I had done that caused the death of my daughter and the need for repentance.
He asked me, “Do you know for sure if you could have saved her if you had been in the house?”
“I think so. I’m sure I would have tried.”
“Since you don’t know if you could have saved her for sure or not, is there something that could have been done so that she could have survived on her own without anyone else’s help?”
“She was trapped on the second floor. Having an outside staircase from her window would have saved her.”
“I don’t know what type of windows you had in your house. If your house is like mine, I probably would have trouble opening one wide enough for me to get out. Most of them stick. Could your daughter have been able to open the window to her bedroom to get out on her own?”
“I don’t know. Probably not.”
“I suggest you figure out a solution to that problem and you may save some other kids’ lives even if you can’t go back and save your child’s. That sounds like a possible path to repentance to me.”
I realized then that I had spent my time since Caroline’s death mourning what I, personally, had lost like that was going to get Caroline to forgive me. I never considered using her death as motivation to help save the lives of other children. If she had had another way out of the house, her death could have been avoided. I wondered how many other children had died in a similar circumstance. What could be done to prevent deaths like Caroline’s. I left the bar with a purpose and started doing some research on the issue.
Over time, I found the best folding ladders there were. I found out the installation instructions for securing the ladders. I revised an instruction manual for how to use the ladders. I found a window replacement company that could install low-priced windows that were easy to open yet were secure from outside entry.
I asked the local volunteer fire department if I could join. I was frank about what I wanted to do. They said that I had to pass a physical first. I flunked big time on my first try. I spent six months getting into shape while I did more research and gathered supporters. Once I passed the physical and got on the roll at the fire station, I also got permission to merge my idea with the department’s Fire Prevention Plan. We went door-to-door offering a free fire inspection that pointed out possible fire hazards and gave out smoke detectors. If the house were two storied, we went over the evacuation plan for people caught upstairs. Most people had not even considered what would happen if they were trapped. We explained about the folding ladders. When several local realtors heard what we were doing, they recommended to new buyers that they call us for an inspection.