“Remember, don’t make your aunt get uptight; she needs to be relaxed to let all her chemicals work just right to make the magic happen.”
“Got it,” I said.
“And remember, this isn’t like those porn movies you’re watching on your computer. Sighing and moaning and shrieking and talking and yelling—your aunt is very subdued, even with me, who knows all her secret buttons. If you want, someday I’ll teach you a few tricks with the ladies.”
“Uncle Zack, I think we’re both just going to want to get this over with and done, and know we did as best as we could to make a baby for you.”
“Well said. That’s the spirit!”
“One question.”
“What’s that, Mikey m’boy?”
“Do you really have to be there, I mean, in the room while we do this. It’s kinda a private thing, isn’t it?”
“In a normal case, sure. But, you have to admit, this isn’t normal. There are three reasons for me being there. One: your aunt would be way too jittery without me there to calm her down and keep her reassured. Two: I want to be touching the mother of my child—and I DO consider this MY child—while it’s being conceived. And three: I want to be there for you if you start losing your confidence … or don’t know where to put it!”
He laughed for a good fifteen seconds before repeating “don’t know where to put it!” Then he laughed some more.
“Good one, Uncle Zack,” I said without any enthusiasm. I looked out the side window the rest of the trip.
******************************
Hi, Mikey,” Auntie Lee said.
“Hi, Auntie Lee,” I said. We sounded like we were in church (or at a funeral).
She gave me a little hug and patted my back lightly. Her green eyes were serious and a little squinty. I can only imagine what expression I was wearing. It wasn’t a smile, I’m sure.
She had on a green satin robe that came to about her knees. From the outline of her breasts, I guessed she was naked under it.
“Mikey, you want a drink? A real drink to take the edge off—or you good?” my uncle asked.
“I’m good,” I said. “I want to stay sharp.”
They both laughed, Auntie Lee, in spite of herself. I didn’t think I had said anything funny. It was good to see her smile. I hoped she would look back on this day (if she got pregnant) and be able to smile about it.
“Any questions?” Uncle Zack looked at me, then at Auntie Lee. We shook our heads. “Okay, so here’s how it’s going to go: your aunt keeps her robe on and opens it enough for you to deliver the message. You can leave your shirt on—or not—I want you to control that part.”
“I can take my pants off?”
“Yeah, Mikey, the zipper could get a little rough on your aunt.
“Zack, we talked about this. Be nice.”
“I was kidding,” he said. “Don’t you know when I’m kidding?”
I waved my hand around the living room and asked vaguely: “Where?”
“Not the couch, not the floor, not the kitchen table … the bed. We’re going to the bedroom. Like normal people.”
Now I laughed. “Normal people” wouldn’t be doing this.
“Let’s go. Main event,” Uncle Zack said.
We followed him to the bedroom. The afternoon sun slanted through the two side windows and spotlighted the bed. The covers and top sheet had been pulled down.