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I called Gail that night after giving her the whole afternoon and early evening to rest. She had said she was being better than she expected. Not even any cramps and only a little spotty bleeding. She thanked me for going with her and was touched by Doug’s concerns for her and his new sense of responsibility.
I was still immersed in my “all is well” mental state. I had expected it to fade after I took a much-needed nap. I hadn’t realized how exhausted I had become because of the experience.
Doug, on the other hand, was vitalized. He had a certain nervous energy that takes him over when he’s about to start something new … or crazy.
Dinner proved to have another kind of excitement. Ned had an announcement:
“I won the raffle! Of all things! I won! You and me, baby! We’ll have a real wild time at a swanky hotel. So get ready! Wild time!”
I didn’t know whether he was psyching himself up, or delusional. I was happy for him, I guess for us. I could use the night out. With a little kick underneath the table, I had to remind Doug to congratulate his dad.
“That’s great, Dad. I promise not to wreck the house while you’re gone.”
“Right. No wild parties. That’ll be our role! Wild!”
At the end of dinner, Doug asked, “Mom, can you drop by my room later so we can talk?”
I knew we still had a lot of ground to cover and to process before full emotional recovery was possible. But Doug’s tone wasn’t subdued or somber or thoughtful like I would have expected. It was upbeat and positive.
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I waited for Ned’s nightly coma before I made my way to Doug’s room. I knocked and waited for him to say “Come in” as usual. But, instead, the door flew open and he grabbed my hand, pulling me in. Then he looked up and down the hall, making sure Ned wasn’t around, I guess, and gently, noiselessly shut his door.
“Mom, sit down. I’ve got something important to tell you. This is great!”
I sat on the edge of his bed. Usually, he sat in his desk chair facing me when we talked, but tonight, he paced in front of me. Sometimes he talked directly to me, sometimes he talked to the air and waved his hands enthusiastically. Although his voice was totally excited the whole time, he kept his tone hushed, like he didn’t want it to reach any farther than this side of his door.
“What is it, Doug? What can have happened since this afternoon?”
“I thought about what you said is what happened. That, and putting it together with what I had been feeling. Don’t you get it?”
“I obviously don’t, but I’m happy to see you bounce back from the mood you were in earlier.”
“How could I NOT, because this afternoon fixed everything. Well, almost fixed everything. It set up fixing everything. Don’t you see?” He faced me and had put his hands on my shoulders for emphasis when he said the last.
I could only shake my head in bewilderment.
“You said today that you knew that we—you and me—weren’t ready to give up on that little life. Before you said it, I thought I was the only one to feel that. You don’t know how happy I was to know you felt the same way. Get it?”