“Doug, let me share something with you. Something important. Now, you know I’m not the kind of person to believe in all sorts of weird psychic stuff or religious fanatics or anything.” I looked at him for some acknowledgement of the fact.
“Mom, you’re always the first one to look for the—”
“The rational, logical explanation behind something. That’s what I always believe. That’s why I wasn’t going to say anything, and maybe shrug it off as my imagination. But, when you and I were just talking, talking about something lost, I knew I had to share this with you.”
I sat down and motioned to the chair next to mine. Doug sat near and I took his hand.
“Today, we got there, and I was way more nervous about this than your Aunt Gail seemed to be. Maybe it was all my beliefs and not ever wanting to go to a place like that, but … I was there to support your aunt, and she ended up being the strong one, the tough one, the good soldier.”
Doug squeezed my hand. It felt good to have him there with me and to be able to talk to him about this. Maybe even more than that—I felt like he HAD to hear this, that it wouldn’t be right if he didn’t hear what I had to say.
“Anyway, I was a mess and on the verge of crying the whole time, especially when I finally had to leave Aunt Gail as they were ready to do the procedure. I’m sitting in the waiting room and thinking of that little life that’s about to be gone. A little life that was tied to your aunt, tied to you, and tied to me. Your aunt was choosing to let go of it, but, even though we had to respect her decision, we—you Doug, and me—weren’t really ready to let go. We weren’t ready to give up on it—that little life.”
“I know, Mom. I was feeling real bad all day. I felt like it was the end of something, but not, all at the same time.”
“Well maybe this will make you feel better. I’m sitting there in the waiting room, almost on the verge of panic with all the negative thoughts I was having and the sterile, businesslike atmosphere there, when all of a sudden, a great big feeling of peace came over me.”
“Peace?”
“That’s the only way I can explain it. It was as if someone was talking to me, not in words, but in a language deeper than that, something that touched my heart … maybe my soul. Even though you know I have all sorts of doubts about things like that.”
“So it was only a feeling?”
“The feeling, I think was just the result. It took me a while, but I think there was a message under it all. I had gone in there thinking there was a life that was being lost. A soul that would never walk this earth. But the message I got was that very soul would find another home, find another way to come to life. So don’t worry. It’ll find a way, the best way. The peace I had received was my being sure it was as true as science. You know I don’t hold much faith in ‘faith’—especially blind faith. But this was as close to that as I’ve ever felt.”
“So you think—”
Tears, happy tears leaked out of the corners of my eyes. “I think that little life was telling me it was going to be okay and was going to find itself in the perfect spot to be born.”