I did, and a combination photo slide-show and various videos played, of me at different ages, mostly with my Dad in them or filming them, going fishing, or tossing a football, that kind of stuff, through high school graduation, and a couple of me moving to college, stuff from the past summer. At the end, was a video of him, talking to the camera.
“Drew, you’ve always made me proud to be your Dad, and I know I’ve not always been the best at saying it to you, so I wanted to make this DVD so you’d have no doubt. I love you, son, and I’m proud of the man you’re becoming. Merry Christmas.”
The tears were streaming down my face as I pressed Stop. I looked at Mom and asked, “Did… did he know he was about to die? Is that why he made this?”
Mom also had tears in her eyes. “Honey, I don’t think he specifically knew, other than having a sense of his mortality driven into him over the past few years. All he told me was that he wanted knowing how he felt about you to be your best gift this year. I definitely know he wanted to see the look on your face when you watched it.”
I wiped the tears from my face and said, “I’d give back every gift he ever gave me, even this one, if I could have him back for even just five minutes, so I could tell him I love him, too. I can’t remember the last time I told him, and that makes me sadder still.”
Mom hugged me, and said, “He knew, honey, he knew. And in case you haven’t heard it enough from me, every word your Dad said on that DVD goes double for me. I don’t know how I’d have gotten through the last few days without you.” She kissed me on the forehead, and said, “Ready for bed? Or do you want to set out cookies for Santa?”
That made me laugh, and lifted my spirits tremendously. We decided to turn on Christmas CDs on the downstairs stereo up real loud, went up to my bedroom, kept the door open, listening to the music fill the house, until we fell asleep.
~~~~~
Christmas Day
When I woke, Mom was gone from the bed, and I could smell both coffee and bacon in the air. The music had been turned down, but was still playing. I got out of bed, and went downstairs, and said, “Merry Christmas, Mom!” and actually felt the spirit of the season finally. Maybe the Christmas music playing on repeat all night had seeped into my soul, maybe Dad was helping me again, I don’t know. I was just glad to be glad, if you will.
“Merry Christmas, honey! Bacon’s almost done. Do you want scrambled or over easy today?”
For a moment, I could hear Dad’s typical answer of “Over Easy” in my head, so that’s what I told my Mom, without telling her why. We had a nice breakfast together, actually singing some of the Christmas songs together that we knew so well, until I figured it was a good time to tell Mom about a decision I’d reached.
“Mom, I’m not going back to campus next month. I know there’s going to be so much that has to be done here with Dad gone, and I don’t want you to have to do it alone.”
“You’re not quitting college! You’re not!” she shouted.
“No, I wouldn’t do that. Not to you, not to Dad, not to myself. I know how important my education is. What I can do, though, is call tomorrow to explain the situation to whoever’s manning the phones in the Dean’s and Registrar’s offices over the holidays, and see if I can get switched into the online versions of most or all of my classes this semester, so I can do them from here and not fall behind. Glen, from my dorm Freshman year, had to do the same thing when he broke both legs in that car accident, remember? He was in leg casts for three months, and still took his courses, and then finished his Associate’s degree that way.”