I was in the middle of a call to Patti to give her the news when the doorbell rang. Grandpa Dave and Grandma Marion. The first of the family to arrive, but hardly the last. The rest of the morning was a blur, making calls, receiving others offering condolences, more family arriving. Hugs I could have gotten lost in, if I dared let myself. Grandma Anna and Grandpa Scott, my mom’s parents, her older sister Maria, my Dad’s younger brothers Tony with his wife Mimi and my teenage cousins Angie and Carrie, and Dave Jr. with his girlfriend Antonia, my girlfriend Patti, who lived 35 miles from us, and my high school buddies Duke and Kenny who grew up a couple of blocks away. A same-day wake, if you will.
Flowers were already beginning to arrive from various out-of-town friends. I felt like I was constantly answering the door, when I really felt like finding a corner and just hiding in it. But my promise to Dad was already in effect, and I wasn’t about to make my Mom have to handle this duty.
The only minor conflict of the day came from Grandma Marion. “Tina, were you thinking about Evergreen Cemetery for the burial? Dave and I have plots already bought there, and they should still have openings in our area.”
Mom responded, “Actually, Tom and I decided a few years ago that we both want to be cremated, and have our ashes scattered at several different locations.”
“Oh. He never told me that.” Grandma answered, her tone one of clear disbelief.
Mom clenched her jaw, before answering, “It’s not something even we talked about a lot. But we did have our talk about matters like that, one night in the hospital after his second heart attack, and wrote our locations down.”
Grandma let it go at that, but everyone could tell she was disappointed.
Gradually, people began to leave after dinner, saying they’d see us again either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. I couldn’t imagine what that would be like without Dad, but didn’t say anything about it. Patti gave me a long kiss, and said, “Anything you need from me, just ask,” before she left for her family’s home.
Finally, it was just Mom and I, and we were both beat. We climbed the stairs, headed to our bedrooms. But Mom just froze at the doorway to hers, looking at her bed.
“Are you okay, Mom?” I asked.
“Okay? No, Drew, not even close. I… I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can sleep in that bed tonight, not the one he died in. Can… can I sleep in yours?”
“Sure, Mom, I’ll sleep down on the couch,” I offered.
She shook her head and said, “No, don’t do that. I know this will sound silly, but I don’t think I can sleep alone tonight, either. Will you share it with me, please? Maybe hold me if I need to cry? You’ll have to wear something to bed, though.” She chuckled at this last statement. It was maybe the only time I’d seen her smile all day.
“Of course, Mom. Whatever you need from me, just ask. Let me get changed, and I’ll open the door when I’m decent.”
I quickly got changed into sweat shorts, keeping the same tshirt on, and by the time I was done, Mom was waiting in the hallway in a nightgown. We climbed in on opposite sides of my queen bed, and lay facing each other. I reached back and turned off the lamp on my night stand, and said, “Good night, mom.” Normally, I’d have followed that with “Sweet dreams”, but didn’t think it appropriate tonight.