“I’m sure you’ve got a lot of questions, and I will be happy to answer those questions should you
decide to move forward with this. If not, then the questions don’t really matter anyway, do they? Go on with your friends and have a good time, now. Be home by six, though, as your father is taking us out for your birthday.”
Boy, that was a lot for me to wrap my mind around. As I made my way to my friend Stephen’s house, I still couldn’t believe that my own mother was offering herself to me for sex for as long as I wanted her. I finally understood what Grandpa meant all those years ago when I’d complain about how strict Mom was and he’d say, “You don’t realize it yet, but you’re a lucky, lucky boy. You’ll see one day.” Well, that day had come. After hearing everything Mom had to say, was I truly lucky? I pulled into Stephen’s to find Mark and Johnny there as well.
“About time,” Mark said as I exited my car. “Thought we were going to have to do these tequila shots all by ourselves.” We quickly did two, then made our way to Stephen’s back patio where we stripped down to our skivvies poolside.
“What took you?” Stephen asked as he filled the shot glasses again.
“Uh … Porn,” I said with a laugh.
“Who was it?” Johnny asked.
I wanted to gauge my friends’ reaction to my mother’s proposition, so I created a semi-fictitious scenario. “Actually … You know how you click on one thing and pretty soon you’re, like, ten or fifteen links into something else?” They all acknowledged this. “Anyway, I was on this site where people were talking about the strangest things they have ever received as gifts.”
“Like what?” Mark asked.
“Well, this one guy said his girlfriend set up a threesome with her twin sister, and they actually went down on each other.”
“Cool,” Stephen said.
“There was another where this guy said he awoke to his grandma blowing him, and when she finished, she said, ‘Happy Valentine’s Day.'”
Silence, then Johnny said, “That’s pretty sweet in a weird sort of way.”
“Really?” Mark asked.
“Hey, just sayin’,” Johnny said. “Are you telling me that if you woke up and your granny was slobbin’ your knob that you’d tell her to stop?”
“Well …” Mark offered after some thought.
“Yeah, but that last one,” I said. “This guy said that his mother offered to train him in sex on his
eighteenth birthday.”
“No shit,” Stephen said.
“Really!” Johnny added.
“What did he do?” Mark asked.
“He said he did it,” I answered, “and he said that even though he’s been married for fifteen years now, he and his mother still hook up at least once a week.”
“Wow, that’s fucking awesome,” Mark said.
“Awesome?” Stephen asked.
“Isn’t it?” Mark asked in return. “Imagine if your mom offered to train you to be the perfect lover, and you both enjoyed it so much that you still hooked up even after you were married. Are you telling me that wouldn’t be awesome?”
Stephen looked at Johnny and said, “Before I answer that, what would you do?”
“Well, you guys have seen my mom,” Johnny said with a laugh. “She’s fucking hot, so yeah, if she offered to train me in sex, I’d do it.”