“You haven’t met her.” Heather shook her head. But then she nodded at Sam. “But you have.”
“Girl from school?” I asked Bobbie.
“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I want to ask her out and all but I’m a little intimidated…”
“So I was thinking we could give him a few pointers. You know, up his game a bit. Make sure he gets off to a good start with his special girl.”
Samantha saw where this was headed. “Just what kind of things did you have in mind?”
Heather gnawed her lip. “Well, as much as we feel comfortable with?”
In the long pause that followed, Sam eyed Heather suspiciously. “Riiiight,” she said sarcastically.
Sam turned to look at Robert and laid it out with her characteristic bluntness. “Ever seen a naked girl Bobbie?”
“Yeah! Sheez, I’m not a little kid.”
“How about sex?”
He shook his head.
“Any kind of sex at all?”
Bobbie paused, contemplating an answer.
“Jerking off doesn’t count, kiddo,” Sam deadpanned.
When he cringed and shook his head I had to look away to hide a smile.
Heather pulled Samantha towards the hallway by her arm. “Excuse us, we need to talk this over.” They drifted out of the room but their conversation trailed after them.
Sam: “Don’t give me those big blue eyes. You’re deep in that damn do-gooder mode of yours aren’t you?”
Heather: “Oh come on, you didn’t complain when my do-gooder urges helped you.”
“Wow, that was a cheap shot.”
“Sorry. Okay look, I know this is weird but my first time was with a virgin and he was clumsy and awkward. It was a horrible, humiliating, painful ordeal. I don’t want my brother to be like that. More importantly, he doesn’t want to be like that.”
“Heather…” Sam sighed, “Fine. Arrrrgh, but say this with me, ‘I am not Samantha’s pimp.’ ”
Heather giggled. “I am not Samantha’s pimp.’ ”
“Thank you. Jesus, I can’t believe I’m actually even entertaining this idea. If we actually do go through with this, what did you have in mind?”
“I was kinda thinking we would…” and then they were out of earshot.
Robert and I were left alone. He looked around the room and finally back at me.
Eh boy, it wasn’t even noon yet and I needed a drink already. Whether he knew it or not, Robert was going to need one to. I pulled a bottle of vodka from the freezer – a screwdriver was a safe bet for your average teenager and he had the OJ already.
“Have a little vitamin V,” I tipped the bottle and poured a healthy shot into his glass.
I dosed my coffee heavily from a bottle of McCallin (hey, it’s suitable for coffee) that was sitting on the counter as Bobbie took a test sip of his drink and nodded gratefully.
“Can I ask you a weird question? You’re, like, Sam’s boyfriend right?”
I nodded.
“But you and Heather are kind of together too right?”
We had been keeping that detail from Heather’s parents. I had no idea what his sister had told him so I nodded again but with my lips pressed together in a tight line, trying to show that I didn’t want to delve into that topic too much. For one thing, the Miller clan had no idea their sweet little daughter was also into girls. “Talk to your sister about it if you want to know more.”