I arrived at 8 preciously and told the woman at the door that I had a reservation for 2 under the name Petal. She told me my companion had already arrived and was seated. So I was led to our table. When I arrived I spotted the red rose pinned to her blouse, but it was when I looked at her shocked face that I sat down after almost fainting.
“Mom.” Sophie said. I was too stunned to talk; luckily the waiter came and asked us if we wanted anything to drink. I still had not said anything so Sophie ordered a bottle of red wine, but before he left I asked for a double scotch, no ice. I just stared at Sophie, still unable to think or say anything, while she seemed more and more nervous and scared. I was just too shocked for words. While I waited I went over everything in my head that we had talked about both together in person at dinner and while chatting. There were clues but I was just too lonely to pick up that they were the same person. Our drinks arrived and I drank the scotch in one gulp, while Sophie poured us both a glass of wine. Sophie drank her wine in one go, and then got up to leave.
“Don’t leave Sophie.” I pleaded, my eyes showing how sorry I was that I had given her the idea that I did not want her here. She sat back down, while I poured her another glass. “I am sorry; I guess you can understand how shocked I am.” She nodded. “Did you know?” This upset her.
“Do you think I would have let it get this far if I knew, how could you think I would do something like that, I thought you knew me better than that.” She seemed angry now; maybe this was her way of hiding the shock she herself must have felt.
“I so sorry, it was just a question. It just came out wrong, sorry.” This calmed her.
“Me too, you simply asked a question and were honest enough asking it. Maybe I am the one that did not listen. So what now, I guess maybe we should just go home and forget this ever happened.” She had given me a way out, but my daughter obviously had a reason to find someone on the internet, like me, were we so different. Was it me that had lost Sophie to the internet, or was it Sophie who had lost me. Before I got the internet in my room we spent a lot of time together, but once I got online I was hooked and spent less and less time with her.
“No, don’t go, let’s enjoy our meal. I think we both need to talk, not just about our chatting to each other online, but what we both have lost since I got the internet, specifically each other. I think that meeting online and meeting tonight, just confirmed how important we are to each other and how much we need each other at home. Not sexually, but we both needed each other for guidance and support. I needed help to move on from your father and to make friends and you as to how to be an adult, getting help to find the right person for you.”
“Maybe, let’s order first then talk.” So we both ordered our meals and started to discuss where we both got lost. When I got the internet I started to chat more, Sophie felt it was important for me to meet new people, but when she felt her mother needed space as well as Sophie needing private time on the internet. That was when she asked for her own computer. I explained that I did want to meet new people, but that I felt I lost Sophie once she got her own computer. We both admitted our mistakes to each other and we began to tell each other how we wanted things to be from now on and how to move forward. This is where things really changed between us.
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