“But, it was so special.”
“It WAS special. And made more special because it was a once in a lifetime gift we gave each other.”
“So … it could never happen again. I mean …”
“No, Danny. Get THAT idea out of your head. We could never repeat what we experienced today, the beauty of it. We could never have a purpose so great as to want to make a baby together, never again in the same way it came about today. I can’t think of any reason I would ever find the courage or the strength to ask you to do that or to ask myself to do that again. Please respect that.”
“I guess,” he said. “Can I ask one question?”
“Sure, Honey.”
“Today, you know, as a guy, as a guy was I all right?”
He was asking for grade on his performance. I wasn’t expecting this. I knew this was important to his ego though, and could well affect him from now on in his relationships with girls.
“Danny, you were wonderful. You were gentle and forceful and strong and passionate and considerate—all the things a woman would want in a man.”
“Was I as good as Dad?”
Another question I wasn’t expecting, but should have. His father had alienated him and berated him for years. Now, Danny was looking for some redemption, or vindication—or revenge.
“I won’t answer that. It’s unfair to compare you both. It’s disrespectful.”
“Does Dad make you cum?”
“DANNY! That’s personal, and I won’t dignify that with an answer. Just because it didn’t happen today doesn’t make it fair ground for discussion between us.” The truth was Melvin never was a good or considerate lover. He was concerned with his own needs and when those needs were met, he was done, finished, uninterested in me. Many a night I cried myself to sleep in frustration.
“One last question, then. An easy one. Am I bigger than Dad?”
Ah. The big question. The ultimate measuring stick of manly worth.
“And, that’s another one I won’t answer.”
“Come on, Mom. That’s an easy one that has only to do with size and nothing to do with opinion. It’s black and white. A yes or no type question. You’ve seen us both and had your hand on us both. It should be the easiest thing in the world to answer.”
“Why would it make any difference?” I asked as if I didn’t know why.
“It just does. You don’t understand how Dad treats me all the time. Aww, forget it!” Danny got up and took his bowl to the sink.
I breathed deep. As he was leaving the kitchen, I said, “You are.”
“Huh?”
“You’re bigger. Bigger than your father ever dreamed of being. You’re bigger by a lot. OK? Are you satisfied now?”
“Yeah! Yeah, I really am!” He had a wide grin. “So today you could feel the difference?”
The subject was open, so I gave him as honest an answer as I could: “Danny, when you were all the way inside me today, you reached places your father never could. You stretched your mother like she never experienced in her life.”
“Wow! That makes me sooo happy, Mom. I’m glad.” He came over and kissed my cheek.
As he left the kitchen, I called out for some reason, “And you’re much thicker too!”
**************************
I spent a restless night, rehashing all that went on during the day. It wasn’t only mental, either.