‘What about us? How do you think my being a dad to a child that isn’t yours will affect us?’ I asked. ‘If I father Mike’s baby, I’m going to be Dad, not ‘Uncle Jonas’, who’s not really an uncle.’
‘Are you kidding? Look at how Mike is with the twins. She treats them like they were her own children. That baby will be as much mine as Mike’s. And I know you’ll be its Dad. For Seth and Sara, I think it will be little different from having a brother or sister. At least until they’re older and understand more.’
‘How will things change if I say no?’ This was where my biggest fears resided. I could risk losing both Gwen and Mike if I said no.
‘When you married me, Mike was already inseparable from us. I didn’t think of it that way at first.’ Gwen stopped to gather her thoughts for a moment. ‘If you say no, I’m afraid Mike will leave us, which will break her heart. And mine. She loves me, but she loves you, too. You and I will be okay but losing Mike will sting.’
My conversation with Gwen didn’t make my dilemma any easier to resolve. If anything, it made it more difficult. And I knew any conversation with Mike if I said no would be gut-wrenching.
Mike kept busy with work and fund-raising. She often returned late, sometimes so tired she skipped dinner and went to sleep. She hadn’t joined us in bed since making her request, except for the night she asked me to father her child. Before her request, she often joined us in bed, even if only to sleep next to us.
The phone rang Tuesday morning, a couple days before commencement. After I said hello and gave my first name, the caller identified herself.
‘Good afternoon,’ she began. ‘I’m Debra Messenger, calling for Dr. Charles Tenney. Am I speaking to Dr. Jonas Taylor?’
‘Technically, no. I’m not officially Dr. Taylor quite yet,’ I responded. I knew of Dr. Tenney by reputation but had never met him. He was a prominent member of the Physics Department at UCLA.
‘Then you’re who I’m looking for,’ she said. ‘Dr. Tenney would like to meet with you on Friday morning at ten if you are available.’
‘May I ask the reason he’d like to see me?’ I asked.
‘Dr. Tenney is looking for a physicist for a post-doctoral research project. Are you interested?’
‘I’m certainly willing to talk to Dr. Tenney,’ I replied. ‘I can’t know if I’m interested until I know more.’
‘Should I tell Dr. Tenney you’ll be in his office at ten on Friday?’ she asked.
‘I’ll be there,’ I told her.
Commencement was overly solemn, foolishly optimistic, hot, and boring. Filled with ceremonial gravity and pomp. It was also oppressively hot. The temperature was in the high eighties and the humidity was unusually high. The sun and temperature were stifling for the spectators and punishing for graduates wearing commencement gowns over their clothing. I sat, wearing the ceremonial robes of a soon-to-be anointed academic and roasted, just like the handful of other doctoral recipients. I can’t imagine it was any better for those officiating. By the time the ceremony was over, I couldn’t wait to get the robes off. My suit was sweat-soaked and uncomfortable.