“Yes.” She said softly, looking down as if ashamed. Tim NEVER called her Mrs. MacDougall.
“And how soon were you planning on the nuptials?” Tim went on.
Now it was Maggie, Reggie boy, and Gloria Jr. in the huddle. They were whispering fiercely back and forth.
Tim took that opportunity to lean over and whisper in my ear “Alimony”. I just nodded back and smiled. He was trying to get me out of paying her a dime.
When the Three Stooges broke their huddle, Maggie looked at Tim again. “As soon as possible after the Divorce is final. We’ve already planned most of the wedding itself.”
Tim nodded. “And if these reports are correct…” He pulled out a detailed financial report on Reggie boy. “Mr. Pennington here is, on his own and without the multiple homes and cars he owns, solvent for nearly a billion dollars. My question, Mrs. MacDougall, is why do you want an honest, hardworking man like your husband to pay you a dime in alimony when you can just ask Mr. Pennington here for any money you wish to spend?”
Maggie once again got drawn into a huddle with Gloria Jr. and El Culo.
Tim sent me a lightning fast grin and I answered back with a grin of my own while the Three Amigos debated their next move. When they came out of the huddle, Gloria Jr. spoke up.
“What would you suggest as adequate compensation, then?” She asked, her stern look centered on me.
“Well, she can have all the furniture, not just her half. I don’t care about that.” I shrugged.
Once more into the huddle, dear friends. The whispers were more subdued this time, but finally they broke and looked at Tim.
“Agreed.” The Lawyer Bitch said.
And so it went. I didn’t have to pay alimony, but I didn’t get any of the furniture either. Gloria Jr. made the necessary changes to the Divorce papers, we all signed… except for Snake Boy, and the filing took place that very day as soon as the feminazi lawyer bitch left. As I was heading back to my car, Maggie and the Littledick came up to me.
“Angus, old boy, I hope there are no hard feelings.” Once again, he actually stuck his hand out for me to shake.
That did it. I took his hand and squeezed extremely hard, so that his face contorted in pain. “Call me Angus again, Reginald, and I will make your life a living hell. To you, I’m Mr. MacDougall. Get it?” By the time I was done talking, he was on his knees and the bones in his hand were scraping together.
“Y… Yes, Mr. Mac… MacDougall. Let me go, p… pl… please!” His face had real fear on it. I released his hand before gangrene could set in, and he breathed a sigh of relief.
“That was for calling me Angus.” I said evenly. “As far as the slut goes, no hard feelings.”
I smiled, turned, and walked towards my car. I felt good, now. I somehow got out of paying alimony, and was basically free and clear of her as soon as the Divorce was final. Oh! That reminded me. I walked back toward them as Maggie was helping Assholio to his feet.
“Maggie, before I go, I need my grandma’s engagement ring back.” I held out my hand.
Maggie looked at me like I had just fallen off another planet. Then she took it and the wedding ring off and handed them both to me.