Elieen: I’m sorry. I can’t.
Eileen: I can’t see you again.
I tossed my phone aside and listened to it buzz with text after text. I decided just to read a book for my English class. I left my phone and went down to the living room. I read and and took notes and tried to ignore how upset I was at the premature end of what I insisted was just a summer fling. It was clear to me that it was more than that but also that I had to let it go.
***
I spent the next several days feeling like a zombie. Dad even took me to class on Thursday and picked me up immediately after, I sat in the back of Scott’s class and left precisely at the end, not giving him a chance to talk to me, in tears the entire time as I felt his eyes on me. I was aware that he continued to text and call but I just left my phone in my room and ignored him. I suppose I knew I owed him an explanation, but I simply didn’t have the energy.
My sister invited me to spend the weekend with her family and I was thankful for the distraction. We went to a state park on Saturday for hiking and swimming and food and more hiking and then on Sunday we went to the church while I wished I could be having brunch with the rest of the sinners.
“What is going on, sis?” Izz asked me over margaritas at lunch after church. Her husband had volunteered to take their children for pizza and fun at the playground so that she and I could have some sister time and we were taking advantage by eating Mexican food and enjoying frozen beverages.
“I’ve been with you all weekend and you are only now asking?”
“Come on. Ike and the boys have been constantly around. I figured you wouldn’t talk with them listening in.”
“True.”
“So talk. You were in such a great mood last weekend, ogling the hot neighbor.”
That little statement was all it took to bring tears to my eyes.
“Damnit, Izz,” I sobbed, dashing my tears away with the back of my hand.
“So… the hot neighbor?”
“Daddy said… Daddy told me… I’m not allowed to see him.”
“The hot neighbor?”
“Yes. Scott. He and I… Well, we really hit it off. We were friends. Something more. Maybe on our way to a lot more.”
“Yeah? And then what happened? Did you find him with another girl or something? That rat bastard!”
“Jeeze, no! Calm down, Izz.”
“Then what has you all mopey?”
“I told you. Daddy. He told me I can’t see Scott. He threatened to not pay for my school if I didn’t…”
“What the actual fuck? Why?”
“Because he said Scott would… I don’t know. Distract me from my dreams?
“Daddy thinks he’s protecting me.”
“You don’t need to be protected. You’re an adult. And being in a relationship isn’t mutually exclusive with following your dreams.”
“I know that. But Daddy doesn’t trust me. I don’t know why. It’s not like I have a history of…”
“You don’t have a history of giving up on a dream in order to get laid. But I do.
“Not to mention his personal experience with mom.”
“But I’m not you. And I’m not mom.”
“And Daddy is putting all his hopes and dreams on you. Which is not fair.”
I nodded and sipped my drink all teary-eyed.